By Rabbi Sholom Dovber Avtzon

I would like to share two stories from the Frierdiker Rebbe’s childhood. These stories are not typical, and I have been debating whether they should be included in the upcoming two-volume biography of the Frierdiker Rebbe.

Both episodes deal with very sensitive issues, and I was unsure if they would be appropriate for the young readers for whom my series is primarily intended. I worried that they might raise unanswered questions or inadvertently convey a negative message.

After discussing this with many people, I received a variety of opinions on whether to include the stories or perhaps even just one of them. Still, I remained undecided about whether it was truly the right thing to include them.

Recently, after a farbrengen in someone’s home, I shared this question with the host. He told me that someone very close to his family is in rehab, and he has noticed that this individual is not the only one in our community struggling with similar issues – turning to drugs to cope with internal pain and suffering.

He then shared his perspective: perhaps if our teenagers, and even those in their twenties and thirties, were aware of the challenges and tribulations that the Frierdiker Rebbe faced, it might give them courage and strength to confront their own struggles. They would see that even the Rebbe’s son, who ultimately became the Rebbe, did not have an easy childhood.

He suggested that our young people could learn from him – that it is possible not only to overcome destructive temptations, but also to achieve tremendous growth and accomplishment.

This argument resonated deeply with me, and in light of it, I decided to share these two stories.

If this article can help even one member of our community – or of Klal Yisrael – it will be well worth sharing.

The First Story:

One of the customs in Beis Harav is that the Rebbeim would encourage their sons to learn and memorize all six sedorim of Mishnayos before their bar mitzvah. They would also give a monetary reward as an incentive, and their sons would normally use the money to buy seforim.

The Rebbe Rashab had a system for how much he would give his son Yosef Yitzchok for the Mishnayos he learned by heart.

The pile of small coins grew, and when he was informed by his uncle, the Raza, that he had enough small coins to exchange for one large silver coin, he happily did so.

One day, when he entered his father’s room, he had this silver coin with him. Since his father was speaking with a member of the community, he began playing with the coin, tossing it up and down.

He heard the person mention to his father that he was in need of a loan. Then, when the person noticed his silver coin, he said that, for the time being, that coin would be of tremendous help.

Yosef Yitzchok looked at his father, hoping his father would give him guidance. However, his father did not make any motion, leaving the decision completely to him. Sensing that his father would appreciate and approve of him giving the loan, he handed over the coin, and the man promised that he would repay it in a month.

The month passed, and he did not receive the coin. After waiting a few more days, he decided to go to the person’s store and ask him to repay the loan. To his shock and horror, the man’s reply was, “I am in such a tight situation that I cannot even think about that right now.” He understood that, in all probability, he was never going to get it back.

Some people would not only be devastated if this happened to them, but might be crushed and destroyed, losing faith and trust in all humanity. But the Frierdiker Rebbe – not only did he do tremendous kindness to all when he became older – but even as a child, he continued helping others.

The second story: 

Due to his illnesses, the doctors instructed the Rebbe Rashab to travel to various health centers, mineral springs, and to see various prominent specialists in Russia and abroad.

Subsequently, until Yosef Yitzchok became nine years old, there were months at a time that he didn’t see his father. Quite often, his mother, Rebbetzin Shterna Sarah, remained in Lubavitch to take care of him; however, there were times that she went with the Rebbe Rashab. During those times, he would sleep in his grandmother Rebbetzin Rivkah’s house.

One of those times, after he had already gone to bed, he was awakened by the elderly attendant Reb Yosef, who informed him that the noted chossid Reb Shmuel Ber Barisover had arrived in Lubavitch, and that since his grandmother, the Alte Rebbetzin, had told him that whenever he comes to Lubavitch this bed is at his disposal, Yosef Yitzchok would have to sleep somewhere else.

Young Yosef Yitzchok got out of bed, went to another bed, and fell back asleep. But some time later, Reb Yosef woke him for the second time and informed him that a second chossid, who also had a standing invitation from his grandmother to sleep over as her guest, had arrived, and therefore he had no choice but to find another place to sleep.

Since there were no more empty beds in his grandmother’s house, he ended up sleeping that night on a bench in the Beis Hamidrash.

One can imagine the feelings of loneliness he had at that moment, and that there was no one he could turn to. He didn’t blame his parents for not being home, as they were instructed by the doctors to travel for his father’s health, and he didn’t want to complain to his grandmother either. Reb Shmuel probably didn’t know that he was sleeping there, so he also was not at fault, and Reb Yosef just did what he thought he was instructed and supposed to do. So he felt he was on his own, at such a tender age.

Having no choice, he walked across the courtyard and fell asleep on a bench in the Beis Hamidrash.

Here too, he was pained, but that did not prevent him from strengthening his loving bond with his parents and grandmother.

*

When I finished relating these stories, the host said, “Rabbi Avtzon, you have no idea how necessary it is for these young men and women to hear these incidents. They would relate to it in a moment. Each one of them has a story, incident, or episode that hurt and pained them deeply. This, I believe, is what they have to hear.”

The point I believe he wanted me to bring out from these two incidents is that while people nowadays have [at least from their perspective, and many actually do have] legitimate grievances against strangers, classmates, teachers, siblings and perhaps even parents, and feel they have no one to turn to, this is not only their situation but it was prevalent in previous generations as well, with one of those that were affected was the Frierdiker Rebbe himself. 

The only difference is that, unlike many today who become bitter and sever their relationship with those who truly love them and desire that they be happy, etc., the Frierdiker Rebbe, even as a child, came to the realization that these incidents are not going to control my life. I will try to influence others and make sure no one else will have to endure these painful experiences. 

Things happened, but it wasn’t his parents’ fault. Someone said something, but there is a strong possibility that they meant something different from what I thought they meant.

I know of some outstanding educators who were bullied by classmates and some of their teachers, whose response is, I will not only guarantee that no student will be bullied in my class, but I will keep my eyes open to prevent bullying from happening in any classroom that I have any influence on.

In other words, they won’t allow the person or incident that hurt them to control their life and destiny. By standing firm and not falling into despair, they destroy any hold that their tormentors had on them. They reclaimed their FREEDOM!

Rabbi Avtzon is a veteran mechanech and the author of numerous books on the Rebbeim and their chassidim. He is available to farbreng in your community and can be contacted at [email protected]