How I Found G-d in a Terror Tunnel in Gaza

In an interview with Kfar Chabad Magazine’s Mendy Kurtz, former hostage Sasha Troufanov openly discussed the challenges he underwent in captivity, how he discovered Hashem in Gaza, and what Yiddishkeit means to him since his release.

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“I had almost no control over anything,” shared former hostage Sasha Troufanov. “Many times, my life was in danger, and I felt like despairing. I could have surrendered to the despair and collapsed, overwhelmed by negative emotions. But each time, just before I imploded, something would happen to pull me back from the edge.

“And I mean even simple things. For example, one day, when I was truly starving and desperate for food, suddenly, later that day, relatively decent food arrived. ‘Decent food’ doesn’t mean a meal, but food that at least left me not hungry after eating it. Maybe rice, or tomatoes and onions, or some beans.”

In a lengthy Hebrew interview with Kfar Chabad Magazine’s Mendy Kurtz, Troufanov openly discussed how he discovered G‑d in Gaza.

“So often, just when I was feeling deeply depressed, something would occur that improved my mood, and over time, the understanding gradually settled in me that something beyond my control was influencing me. That’s how I came to believe in G‑d, and to understand that not everything is in my control.”

This is the very reason he agreed to be interviewed, he explained.

“I want people to thank G‑d for what they have. I want whoever reads my words to feel positive about their own life. When a person feels good in their heart, it’s good for others too, for their surroundings. It radiates.”

He also revealed how he learned Arabic in captivity. “During the abduction, they shot me in the leg. I’m sure anyone who gets shot in the leg would cry about it, complain, and say, ‘How bitter and cruel is my fate.’ And I can tell you: it really isn’t pleasant … The bullet shattered my bone—I had a complete fracture. I was treated there in Gaza. But because of that, good things happened.

“First, the reason they didn’t shackle me like they did to the others was that I was a physical wreck at that point. I had a stab wound in my shoulder, an open head injury, and gunshot wounds to my legs. Later, my shoulder was also dislocated. Luckily, this made them treat me more gently. On the surface, it shouldn’t have been that way. They thought I was a military officer. When I was abducted, my physical build was much larger than it is today—I was more muscular and sturdy. I’ve always loved fitness. They thought I was a fighter, a Rambo, and it would have been natural for them to tie me up and not let me move. But because of my injuries, they didn’t shackle me. But that’s only the first part.

“Later, they transferred me to a medical center for treatment. There was no other choice, but it took some time. Afterwards, they wanted to return me to the same place I was initially held. But something happened—things didn’t work out—so they moved me temporarily to another place in Gaza. There, there was a new terrorist who also spoke English. Thanks to him, I learned Arabic. I would ask him how to say various words in Arabic, and from him, I learned. Slowly, I built up a basic vocabulary that allowed me to communicate in Arabic and develop the language. In captivity, you think fast. You learn a language in an instant—your brain works at 200%.

“For about 40 days, I was in the new place with an English speaker. After that, they took me elsewhere, and from then until almost the end of my captivity, I didn’t meet anyone else who spoke English like him. It was my luck that I met him. And it happened because I was shot in the leg.”

About his first moments in Gaza, Troufanov recalled: “Those are the moments I remember most—the realization of where I was. The shift from the life I was used to was absolutely total—from the smell in Gaza to, of course, the horrible conditions they put me in. I was abducted alone and was beaten during the abduction. I arrived physically bruised and broken.

“At first, they took me to a house, which was actually a shack. The people there were so different from the kind of people I was used to seeing. Over time, I understood where I was. The food in the first days was relatively decent, but very quickly, it became one portion a day. It took time to get used to not having everything I was accustomed to, to needing permission for everything. Even to go to the bathroom, I had to get approval. Sleep hours were also determined for me. Like prison—but much worse.

“I realized I had to remember that I was still mentally a free person and that I needed to try to find freedom in the places where I did have a choice. I loved playing with the food I was given. I would eat some and save some for later. Even if it wasn’t much. That way, I felt like I was the one making decisions. I tried to turn the lack of choice into choice.”

This year, Troufanov celebrated Passover with his family in Moscow. “We’re celebrating in the best possible place—as guests of Rabbi Berel Lazar, the Chief Rabbi of Russia. He invited the whole family and wanted us to come. I’ve never celebrated a Jewish holiday before. Honestly, it’s very exciting.

“When I saw Rabbi Lazar the day after my release, what stood out most was his kindness. It’s very present, radiating from him. He’s a very pleasant and warm person, and he’s not afraid of tough questions. When he helped me put on tefillin, I asked him several questions about them, and he answered, saying it was good that I was asking and showing interest. It struck me: until then, I thought religious people didn’t like being asked questions—because to me, religion was based on pure faith and avoiding questions. I thought the more religious people were, the less they accepted the other side. But with Rabbi Lazar, it was exactly the opposite. I received so much acceptance, warmth, and love.

“Passover symbolizes the Exodus from Egypt. I didn’t come out of Egypt; I wasn’t in slavery. I was a hostage—I don’t know what to call it. But it’s certainly a holiday that symbolizes freedom and the ability to choose and focus on things that concern you and no one else. Now, I was granted the ability to choose for myself where to celebrate the holiday this year and with whom.

At the same time, Troufanov says he cannot forget those who are still in Gaza. “Although I’ve received my freedom, in some ways, I still feel shackled—not physically—to that place. I think everyone can understand and would feel the same way if their friend was still there in captivity.”

Translated with permission from Kfar Chabad Magazine.