By Rabbi Yitzchok Elishevitz – Mashpia in Kiryat Gat

I recently discovered a remarkable recording of the Rebbe that seems to have gone unnoticed until now. It is from the Rebbe’s farbrengen Zos Chanukah 5739.

Five and a half minutes into the second sicha, the Rebbe describes the thoughts of a young bochur about marriage at 20 years old, the age mentioned by Chazal as the appropriate time for marriage.

In this remarkable sicha, we gain insight into how the Rebbe viewed the ideal path toward marriage, as the Rebbe describes the thoughts and expectations of a young bochur.

The Rebbe is describing the thought process of a bochur who is thinking about the future. “In the course of time he will be 18 years old and ready for the chuppah, and afterward he will be 20 years old, with the strength and ability to pursue all that comes with it.”

Then, after another two or three years, when he reaches the age of 22 or 23, he begins to worry about how he will support his wife and household. The Rebbe explains that as long as the family is still small, there is not as much pressure regarding livelihood, as the Alter Rebbe writes in Hilchos Talmud Torah.

The Rebbe continues by describing a situation in which, during seder, the bochur is sitting and staring at the ceiling instead of learning, and the Rebbe questions the mashpia for not ensuring that the student is properly focused on his studies.

According to this sicha, it appears that the Rebbe’s view was that bochurim today should marry around age 20, and by 22 or 23, he will already have a wife and family.

The sicha was delivered just two weeks after the Rebbe and Rebbetzin’s golden wedding anniversary on Yud-Daled Kislev 5739. This also brings to mind the 25th anniversary, on Yud-Daled Kislev 5714, when the Rebbe spoke about the practice established by the Rebbe Rashab and the Frierdiker Rebbe that “after the age of twenty, one should begin looking for a shidduch.”

The recording also highlights another point. When the Rebbe later spoke, on Motzaei Shabbos, 27 Shevat 5739, about bochurim traveling overseas, the Rebbe said: “A bochur at the age of 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, who is sitting in yeshiva, his concern is to learn Torah,” notably not continuing to mention older ages.

Despite the fact that the chinuch of bochurim is founded on dedication to the Rebbe’s wishes, and despite the growing awareness in recent years of the Rebbe’s approach regarding marriage around the age of 20, there is still no established yeshiva track structured around this timeline.

It appears that there is sometimes a tendency to overlook the challenges that can result from delaying marriage beyond the age of 20. However, as the Rebbe writes in Igros Kodesh (letter #5,975), one must adhere to the well-known teachings of Chazal, referencing Kiddushin 29b. The Rebbe emphasizes that these teachings apply to all Jewish communities, including Chabad, and that one should not delay marriage beyond this age.

When bochurim become engaged earlier, it can also help address the challenges of shidduchim for young women.

By fulfilling the Rebbe’s wishes, we become more worthy of receiving the Rebbe’s blessings. And as the Rebbe writes (Yud Shevat 5746): “In our times, whoever marries as early as possible.. is praiseworthy… and Chazal say that the completion of the ‘souls in the body’ brings Moshiach, the true and complete Geulah.”