Our Bochurim Need to Start Shidduchim Earlier

Rabbi Yitzchok Elishevitz, a mashpia in Kiryat Gat, has been speaking out for many years about the need for bochurim to get married at younger ages. Now, he discovered unpublished notes of a farbrengen where the Rebbe discusses it clearly.

From Anash Magazine – published by Anash.org

Rabbi Yitzchok Elishevitz, a mashpia in Kiryat Gat, has been speaking out for many years about the need for bochurim to get married at younger ages. Now, he discovered unpublished notes of a farbrengen where the Rebbe discusses it clearly.

Rabbi Elishevitz shared:

Recently, Rabbi Yisroel Shimon Kalmanson, a member of the ‘Vaad Hanachos B’Lahak,’ shared with me a fascinating diary written by R’ Moshe Levertov, from a farbrengen of Yud Daled Kislev 5714 – the day of the Rebbe and Rebbetzin’s 25th wedding anniversary.

In this sicha, the Rebbe discusses explicitly when bochurim should begin looking for a shidduch. While parts of this farbrengen have been published in Toras Menachem, some very important details were left out, while others aren’t clear. 

Here is what R’ Moshe Levertov writes:

The Rebbe spoke another sicha about the gift that Yaakov sent to Esav – elevating “ma”nn” to Tohu (which is why the animals were unslaughtered etc., as explained in Torah Ohr). Since the Torah is also a lesson for us, it is understood that now there is also a concept of “Tohu” – namely the bochur years. “Tikkun” begins with marriage, when one makes a dirah b’tachtonim which draws down the power of Ein Sof.

That is why in Lubavitch they – both the Frierdiker Rebbe who ran the yeshiva and his father the founder – did not introduce the practice that existed in misnagdishe yeshivos where they would remain in yeshiva until age 25 or 30 [before getting married]. Rather, after age 20 they would search for a shidduch – not “above 10 tefachim,” but simply to look for a girl (“gefinen a maidel”).

The Rebbe added that he is reluctant to speak about it at more length since he personally didn’t get married at age 20.

The Rebbe related that the Mitteler Rebbe was offered various shidduchim, but said he wants the one closest to Liozna so he can immediately return to hear Chassidus from the Alter Rebbe. “You,” the Rebbe said, “are not so immersed in Chassidus, but a shidduch must nonetheless be made!”

This is the hanacha of R’ Moshe Levertov. I would like now to emphasize the key points in this sicha:

A – A bochur’s years are “Tohu,” and marriage begins “Tikkun.” 

B – In Lubavitch, they did not have the custom to delay marriage as was the practice in other yeshivos.

C – The custom in Lubavitch was to search for a shidduch “after age 20.”

D – This Lubavitch custom was instituted by the Frierdiker Rebbe the Rebbe Rashab. (The Frierdiker Rebbe’s push for searching for a shidduch after age 20, can also be found in a letter from 30 Shvat, 5708.)

E – The only reason that the Rebbe didn’t speak more on the matter is because he himself didn’t marry at age 20.

F – Regardless of how immersed one is in Chassidus, a shidduch should be made without delay!

This article first appeared in Anash Magazine – published by Anash.org.