Since When Is Mixed Programming Okay on Shlichus?

By A Small-town Shliach

Walk into almost any teen event, college program, or social gathering on shlichus today, and you’ll likely see the same picture. A thoughtfully planned program, meaningful discussions, and joyful yiddishkeit. But alongside that, you’ll often find mixed seating or mixed activities, treated simply as the way things are done.

Ask the young shluchim running these programs why, and you’ll probably hear a familiar answer.

“There’s no other way to reach this generation.”

“The teens won’t come otherwise.”

“The college crowd won’t show up otherwise.”

“This is just what shlichus looks like today.”

Now, this is certainly not meant as a criticism of any shliach. These young shluchim are doing tremendous work, and they are impacting youth in very real ways. But I want to raise a question and ask whether we should stop and consider if the way its being done is the right approach, or whether it’s worth reconsidering.

In Adar Sheini 5749, Reb Nachman Sudak a”h, head shliach to England, wrote to Rabbi Hodakov about a plan to open a hub for teenagers who likely would never attend a regular program. A mixed setting, it was argued, might be the only way to get them through the door.

He noted that a rov had approved the plan, provided there would be proper supervision to prevent anything inappropriate. Based on that, Reb Nachman wrote that he understood he had received a “positive” response from the Rebbe, and he wasn’t sure what to tell those promoting the idea.

The Rebbe circled one word in the letter, “positive” (לחיוב), and next to it, the Rebbe wrote:

“?! The above-mentioned mixed gathering is against Shulchan Aruch. How can a rov allow it?! And what will such approval help if it is against Shulchan Aruch?!”

That was the entire response.

The Rebbe didn’t write that it depends on the circumstances. The Rebbe didn’t suggest weighing the benefits against the concerns. He didn’t leave room for “it’s complicated.” It’s against Shulchan Aruch, how can a rov allow it?

Why was the Rebbe’s response so sharp? Nobody involved was looking for loopholes. Reb Nachman Sudak was one of the most dedicated shluchim of his generation, responsible for building much of shlichus in England. The rov who apparently approved the plan wasn’t being reckless either – he attached conditions and safeguards. Everyone involved was motivated by one thing: bringing youth closer to Yiddishkeit.

But sincerity doesn’t change halacha. The separation between boys and girls is not a matter of choice or what seems most effective for a particular audience. As the Rebbe emphasized on numerous occasions, it’s a halacha.

And according to the Rebbe, that halacha applies not only in a shul, but in youth programs and teen clubs as well.

To be clear, I’m not pointing fingers at anyone chas v’shalom or suggesting that people are knowingly doing something wrong. In fact, I suspect that most of what is happening today is happening because many people simply aren’t aware of how directly the Rebbe addressed this issue.

The Rebbe explained more than once that mixing genders introduces a level of nisayon that even the greatest moments in Jewish history were careful to avoid. At Har Sinai and during the construction of the Mishkan, moments of unparalleled holiness, the Rebbe points out, precautions were taken to maintain appropriate separation. If those moments required that caution, then a teen club requires it too.

I don’t pretend to have an easy solution for every shliach in every situation. In a small town, where you may barely have enough teenagers for one program, the practical challenges are very real. And I certainly wouldn’t want someone sitting comfortably elsewhere telling me how to run my shlichus without understanding what we’re dealing with.

An assumption among some today is that young people need standards relaxed in order to feel comfortable walking through the door.

The Rebbe actually argued the opposite: Young people are looking for emes. When someone bends halacha in order to appear more appealing, he comes across as hypocritical and ungenuine. Conviction earns respect.

Unfortunately, walk into many teen programs, college events, and social gatherings on shlichus today, and mixed seating or mixed activities are often treated as an unavoidable cost of reaching people. Many sincere and dedicated individuals will tell you that there is simply no other way.

We should question where that certainty comes from. Because based on what the Rebbe actually wrote, the answer doesn’t seem to leave much room for interpretation.

Again, this is not an attempt to judge anyone’s avodas hashlichus. It is certainly not a call to condemn programs or criticize the people behind them. All I’m suggesting is that we pause and honestly consider whether our current approach is truly the right one, or at least whether it deserves to be reevaluated in light of what the Rebbe wrote.

And if you believe there’s another side to this discussion, or a nuance that has been overlooked, then say so.

The Rebbe’s clear response deserves a serious conversation.