Rare Recording Discusses Girls Education, School on Sunday

In honor of the yahrzeit of Rabbi Chaim Mordechai Aizik Chodakov, Anash.org presents a rare and fascinating recording and transcript of a 5736 conversation in his office with a concerned father about the institution of Sunday classes in Beis Rivkah.

By Anash.org writer

In honor of the yahrzeit of Rabbi Chaim Mordechai Aizik Chodakov, Anash.org presents a rare and fascinating recording of a 5736 conversation in his office with a concerned father about the institution of Sunday classes in Beis Rivkah.

The concerned father argued against the new schedule, emphasizing that for many years, there had been no school on Sundays, and it was a long-standing practice dating back to the Frierdiker Rebbe’s time and upheld throughout the Rebbe’s nesius until then.

Rabbi Chadakov responded with a 20-minute talk (!) on the educational reasons behind the decision, the role of girls’ education, and the way to impart strong values to our children. The recording reveals Rabbi Chodakov’s firm grasp of the challenges of the time and educational priorities, as well as the Rebbe’s approach to chinuch, especially for girls.

Anash.org presents the recording, along with a faithfully edited transcript of this encounter.

LISTEN:

Concerned Father:

“The reason I came today is to discuss the new regulation at the girls’ school.

“Until very recently, the girls didn’t have school on Sundays. It was a day they could spend with their parents—shopping for things they needed, or visiting grandparents who live in nearby communities. Some girls also have other activities, like piano lessons, that occupy their Sundays.

“But now, since the Rebbe has designated this year as Shnas HaChinuch, school has been introduced on Sunday mornings until noon. This has created a problem for many of the girls. A lot of them are too young to go shopping on their own and need their parents to take them. The mothers, who are home all week, don’t drive, so they rely on their husbands, who are only available on Sundays, to help out.

“I’ve spoken with many other parents, and all of them are opposed to this rule. Even many of the staff members at Beis Rivkah don’t agree with it. My wife is very upset and wants to take our daughter out of the school—something I strongly oppose. But I was told that this new policy came from you, Rabbi Chodakov, so I came to plead with you. Perhaps the decision can be reconsidered, and we can return to the old schedule, where the girls had Sundays free.

“Also, I don’t understand the benefit of this change. I understand why boys should be encouraged to add hours of Torah learning—they’re obligated in it. But girls aren’t obligated in Torah study, so why shouldn’t they enjoy a day off?

“Besides, the change doesn’t even result in more hours of learning. Until now, the girls had a full school day on Friday and no school on Sunday. Now they have a half day Friday and a half day Sunday. So what’s been gained? If anything, it would make more sense to keep Friday as a full day—since there’s time available then—and leave Sunday free.

“And finally, this is how things were done during the time of the Frierdiker Rebbe, and throughout all the years of the Rebbe until now. Why change that?”

Rabbi Chodakov:

Schools for Education

“The reason that children go to school is not simply to learn Torah and acquire information (in which there is a difference between boys and girls), but rather for chinuch—education. The education of a child applies equally to boys and girls.

“[It should be noted that even in terms of Torah study, girls have plenty to learn in order to fulfill their obligation. As the Alter Rebbe rules in Shulchan Aruch, women must be thoroughly familiar with all the halachos that are relevant to them. As the Rebbe once expressed: “If only all rabbonim were as knowledgeable in those halachos, they would be well off.”]

“Now, in chinuch, there are various aspects: (1) Education – This includes: (a) Direct Education – guiding a child to the proper values and conduct, and (b) Indirect education – the environment that we create and the example we provide for the child. (2) Protection from Harmful Education – ensuring that the child is not misled towards corrupt values.

“Chassidus explains that for everything in ruchniyus, there is a corresponding example in gashmiyus. This is a kindness the Eibershter has done for us, so that we can better comprehend spiritual matters.

“In this case, we can understand the nature of chinuch through the example of a child’s physical development.”

Living Healthy

“The most direct aspect of physical health is the food that one eats. A child who is growing up must receive three full meals each day. Although he can survive on only two meals a day, his wellbeing and development will clearly suffer.

“A mother, even when very busy, would never starve her child, telling herself that she’ll make up for it the next day. She cannot say to her child on Sunday, “Why must you eat today? On Shabbos you had three meals and melaveh malkah!” A child needs nourishment every single day.

“However, beyond making sure the child receives food, it is crucial that the food be healthy and beneficial. It is not enough to simply fill the child’s stomach; the food must provide the nutritional value he needs. (In recent years, it has become common to follow healthy diets and eat nutritious food—which is, of course, a positive development.)

“Furthermore, even if the food is nutritious, it must be handled properly. Some foods need to be cooked and kept in the refrigerator; otherwise, they will spoil. Food that is left out too long can go bad and become harmful to health.

“The same applies to a more indirect element of health—namely, the air one breathes, which must be clean and free of pollution.

“The same is true when it comes to a child’s spiritual development:

“When a child comes to school, he needs to grow in his knowledge of Torah, and it is essential that we feed him as much Torah as he is capable of digesting.

“In order for a child to be spiritually healthy, he must learn Torah every single day. We cannot reduce his learning on any day whatsoever, even if he will excel in learning the rest of the week.”

Healthy Values

“Then there is the second point:

“By telling a child that on Sunday they don’t need to learn, we are giving them a corrupt education. The children know that on Shabbos they don’t attend school, since it is a holy day when they go to shul and daven, have the seudos of Shabbos, and participate in other Shabbos activities.

“Then they are told that on Sunday they also don’t learn. “Why?” they wonder. “It must be that Sunday is a special day.” They will not understand that it is purely for the practical purpose of giving them time to shop for their needs—for if that were the case, Tuesday would work just as well, or perhaps even better, since many shops are closed on Sunday (as some high schools in fact do). The fact that Sunday was chosen implies that we are part of the secular culture that considers Sunday a day of rest.

“The Rebbe shlita has expressed his disapproval of scheduling simchos specifically on Sunday, since this reinforces the notion that Sunday is a special day. Of course, at times it is necessary to hold events on Sunday due to various considerations; however, this should be the exception—not the rule.

“If a child needs time to go somewhere, permission can certainly be granted. But to declare that Sunday is a day on which learning is not necessary is harmful to the education we are trying to instill. It is anti-educational!

“This is a misleading message that the child will carry with them for life.”

Productive Living

“Psychologically, when a girl is told that she doesn’t need to learn on Sunday, she receives the impression that there is something in life more important than learning, more important than education. Later, when this girl becomes a mother, this understanding will manifest in how she raises and educates her own children.

“It is important that the child understands that there is no such thing as a day that is free from learning.”

“However, regarding Friday, the opposite is true.

“On Friday, the children can help at home with the preparations for Shabbos. Not only does this time away from learning not detract from their chinuch, but it actually adds significantly to it. Helping her mother prepare for Shabbos is an act of kibud eim. The daughter must feel a sense of responsibility to assist at home.

“In addition, in order to truly experience the kedusha of Shabbos, one must undergo some form of hachana—a preparation that allows them to be worthy of feeling the holiness of the day. It is not proper for a girl to show up minutes before licht-bentchen and only then begin to prepare herself for Shabbos.

“In fact, it would be entirely appropriate if, on Fridays—especially in the winter when Shabbos begins earlier—the girls had no school at all, and spent the entire day preparing l’chovod Shabbos.”

Negative Repercussions

“Then there is another point:

“There are many men who need to work on Sunday and are not available to go out with their children. The mothers may also be unable to go out, as they are preoccupied with younger children at home. Even in homes where outings do happen on Sundays, there are still many weeks when that is not possible.

“With nothing to do, school-age children spend their day wandering the streets. There, they are at risk of interacting with bad friends or with boys.

“As the children get a little older, the mother can no longer manage them at home. Not knowing what else to do, she sends them off to a “Y” or other such inappropriate places. If the mother does know better, she suffers instead from her children’s constant complaints—asking why they can’t go like their friends do.

“Many frum families have expressed how much they suffer when their children stray as a result of visits to these places during their free days. Boruch Hashem, you don’t know about these cases—and may you never know—but they bring many problems, and this is where it begins.

“In other scenarios, children go to a neighbor’s house and end up watching television, or they go to the movies—both of which are poison for a child’s mind and heart. (On Sundays, theaters offer special discounts specifically to attract children who are off from school.)

“Even when the family goes to visit grandparents, often the child does not join. The mother may enjoy spending three hours with her mother, but the girl finds this extremely boring. Instead, she may go with a neighbor who offers her a free ticket to the movies.

“This is just one example of the many tzaros, rachmana litzlan, that children encounter as a result of having too much free time.”

Purposeful Living

“The entire foundation of chinuch is seder—training a child to live with structure, not with spontaneity and “hoo-ha” excitement. A child must grow up in a purposeful, structured environment. It is unhealthy for a child to feel “free,” without a schedule or responsibility.

“Instead, a child should always be under some structure. She finishes one program and immediately transitions to the next—whether it is learning, davening, eating, or playing. The key is seder—she follows an orderly plan that has been prepared for her throughout the day. If that plan includes learning to play piano on Sunday morning, that’s fine—as long as she’s following a set schedule.

“In our situation, there will be many weeks when the mother won’t be up to visiting the grandparents or will be busy with other things. The child will then be left with no structure and will look for something exciting to do. This creates a lasting impression of disorder (bilti seder), which can affect the child’s conduct in many areas. This is the opposite of chinuch.

“When a child feels “free” and is left to wander aimlessly, she is bound to fall into vain and destructive activities. Besides the free time on Sunday, there is also all of Motzoei Shabbos—since she doesn’t need to get up early for school the next day. Two consecutive days without structure—Shabbos and Sunday—leaves many children bored, and it’s no wonder that they fill their time with whatever they can find.

“In truth, seeing how girls wander about on Shabbos with nothing to do, it would be worthwhile to have an organized program even on Shabbos. This kind of directionless wandering is deeply harmful to a child’s chinuch”.

Communal Considerations

“The reasons that led us to change the school schedule are:

“Firstly, a rule can only be introduced according to the level of the people. Before making this change, we investigated what other schools were doing. When we found that other girls’ schools had already instituted school on Sunday, we were then able to do the same. This is especially important, since it is not appropriate that Lubavitch should be more lenient than the other schools.

“Secondly, the world is becoming more immoral, and spending time on the streets is increasingly dangerous. In earlier generations, children didn’t need to attend school at all, because the streets themselves had a yiddishe atmosphere.

“Even more recently, things were not as bad. The streets still had a semblance of normalcy and morality. Thirty or forty years ago, there were no televisions, no movies, and no “Y.” These modern challenges simply did not exist. Never in history have the streets been as immoral as they are today.

“The streets today are filthy in every sense. There, children are exposed to influences related to all three of the gravest aveiros: avodah zarah, giluy arayos, and shfichas damim.

“Just recently, a dreadful story occurred in Boro Park that was kept quiet. An eight-year-old boy from a frum home was lured in by missionaries—without his parents knowing. They gave him treats and even seforim, and he began following them. This continued for a while until the parents found missionary literature hidden in his room.

“Though this is not the specific challenge our children face, it shows how far a child can stray when left without supervision.

“The movies and other such things are a real challenge. The children see their friends going to the movies and plead with their parents to let them go, too. Since these children also come from frum homes—where, unfortunately, the parents don’t realize the harm they’re doing—the child cannot understand why her own parents won’t let her go. Many parents have complained that free days off from school only worsen this issue.

“When there’s an epidemic, it’s dangerous to walk around unprotected, since one might contract the disease. During such a time, one needs more nourishment and special medicine to build up resistance.

“Therefore, the fact that for the past thirty-five years—during the lifetimes of the Frierdiker Rebbe and the Rebbe—Beis Rivkah did not have school on Sunday is not relevant. As mentioned, (1) only now is it possible to introduce this better form of chinuch, which wouldn’t have been accepted earlier, and (2) today’s environment demands a stronger chinuch. And in general, it makes no sense to avoid doing better simply because it wasn’t done in the past—otherwise, one would never grow.

“In truth, Sunday should be a regular school day, while Friday should be even shorter. (On Friday, they are not going to the movies anyway, and they are more likely to spend the time positively. But since mothers demand that girls be free on Sunday, we had no choice but to fill those hours on Friday.) Still, since we cannot demand too high a standard, we’ve currently arranged for just a half-day.

“Even if not all of these concerns apply to your particular child, we must consider all the children in the school and take into account the needs of the broader community.”

A Healthy Family

“Besides, it’s unclear why a half-day doesn’t suffice to visit grandparents or go shopping. In any case, no one is rushing out at 9:00 a.m. to visit their grandparents. The wife needs those few hours to cook for her family, and the husband is in Shul longer to daven and learn. Since he is busy all week, it’s even more important that he remains in Shul for a shiur. By the time he comes home for lunch at noon and the child returns from school, the family still has the whole afternoon to go out and visit whoever they want.

“If they rush out the door at 9:00 a.m., the wife won’t have time to prepare a proper meal, the husband won’t daven or learn properly, and the entire family situation will be strained. What actually happens is that they leave later anyway, and the child sleeps in for two more hours. That leads to her staying up later on Motzoei Shabbos to watch “special programs” on TV. Then the mother can’t even tell her to go to bed early, since there’s no school the next day. Other children—those who don’t watch television—end up wandering around aimlessly at home.

“So in the end, the only thing the mother gains from Sunday being a free day is that she doesn’t have to wake her daughter early—and she herself gets to sleep in. And for that, we should endanger our children’s chinuch?!”