כ״ב אלול ה׳תשפ״ו | September 4, 2026
Chinuch Begins at Home
When Rebbetzin Sima Ashkenazi began telling the Rebbe about a tense meeting between parents and the seminary hanhala, she got only as far as the word “parents” before the Rebbe interrupted her.
Rebbetzin Sima Ashkenazi, wife of Kfar Chabad rov, Harav Mordechai Shmuel Ashkenazi a”h, related:
During a yechidus in Tishrei 5729 (1968), the Rebbe suddenly asked me, “What happened at the meeting with Harav Chefer?”
At the time, I was working at the seminary in Kfar Chabad. Reb Shmuel Chefer had called a meeting with the mothers after hearing many complaints about the girls. He told them that if they spoke more positively about the school and the hanhala, the girls would hear it and behave differently. Naturally, the parents felt that the school was responsible for the situation.
I explained to the Rebbe what Harav Chefer had told the parents, and then began to say that the parents… I wanted to say that they had blamed the school.
I had only said the word “parents” when the Rebbe looked up and interrupted me: “Certainly they are at fault! Certainly they are at fault!”
The Rebbe wished to emphasize the tremendous responsibility parents have and how much their words and attitudes can positively shape their children’s chinuch.
(As heard from Mrs. Sima Ashkenazi)
COMMENTS
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Although,
How many people reading this will brush this off as, ‘But OUR case is different!’
The ‘school’, ‘ principal ‘, or ‘teachers’ were SO incompetent in THIS case. If the Rebbe knew our situation, he would never have said that
Because it’s easier to have SOMETHING or SOMEONE to blame for what’s going on with our children.
I used to be a critical parent.
Until.
Until I started working in administration and seeing and hearing how quickly parents were to judge and blame. Over 90% of the time, when Hanhala reviewed the facts with a parent and the student in the room, it was clear that the parent had the wrong information.
And yes, school staff make mistakes sometimes. We all do.
How would you (or your child) like to be approached when they make a mistake?
Think about that.
As a parent, I can say with certainty that the decision to be a supportive parent made a huge positive difference in our children’s chinuch.
For our children’s future, let’s try to take what the Rebbe said to heart.
Kesiva Vachasima Toiva!
B”H I have had the pleasure of working for three different school administrations. This scenario is all too common. Parents seem to be so quick to blame school with little regard to the “other side of the story.” It’s really very sad. A child’s perspective, as important as it is, is only part of the much bigger picture. If misinformed parents feel negatively towards school, the ripple effect is huge. Thank you for your article.