As part of the annual family halacha series in Los Angeles, Rabbi Ezra Schochet, Rosh Yeshiva of Ohr Elchonon Chabad, addressed the community on raising motivated children. The talk became a heartfelt farbrengen. We present here 15 key takeaways from that evening.
Every year, the Anash community of Los Angeles gathers for a Taharas Hamishpacha series, covering halacha, hashkafa, shalom bayis, chinuch, and more.
On Sunday night, the community had the privilege of hearing from Rabbi Ezra Schochet, Rosh Yeshiva of Ohr Elchonon Chabad, who addressed the topic of raising children to remain motivated and connected.
Though officially an address, the evening felt more like a farbrengen. Drawing on his experience with thousands of bochurim over 47 years as Rosh Yeshiva in Los Angeles, Rabbi Schochet offered honest, practical, and deeply insightful guidance.
The following are some of the key takeaways from his talk:
1. Children Emulate What They See at Home
“The ultimate hero by most boys… is the father.”
Children are deeply shaped by what they see, not what they’re told. If parents model davening, yiras Shamayim, and chassidishkeit with authenticity and consistency, it leaves a lasting impression.
2. Don’t Talk – Model
“It’s not by telling him… but by the living example.”
Lectures don’t build values. Children absorb what’s real to you. If they see that Torah and mitzvos bring you joy, that becomes their truth.
3. Learn With Your Children – As Often As Possible
“Five minutes, ten minutes… that interaction leaves the biggest impression.” Even a short daily seder between parent and child can be transformational. It creates a connection to both learning and the parent that lasts far beyond the moment.
4. Be Careful What You Praise
“What gives you nachas teaches them what matters.”
Whether it’s grades, sports, or learning – it’s not just what you praise, it’s how you praise it. Highlight Torah values as your true source of joy and pride.
5. Shabbos Table Is the Classroom
“If everything is politics, that becomes their picture of Yiddishkeit.”
The conversations, tone, and priorities at the Shabbos table define a child’s view of what Torah life really means. It must reflect warmth, meaning, and sincerity.
6. Sense of Pride Is Missing – Because It’s All on a Silver Platter
“We were proud to be Lubavitchers because it came with sacrifice. Today it’s handed to them.” Rabbi Schochet explained that children today often lack pride because their Yiddishkeit hasn’t cost them anything. We must find new ways to inspire ownership and mission.
7. Introduce Simchas Hashem Through Tangible Examples
“A kid skips a candy without a hechsher? That’s Simchas Hashem.”
Even small decisions can be framed as meaningful. Teaching children that they can make Hashem proud builds depth and purpose.
8. Talk to Children About the Rebbe in a Personal Way
“The Rebbe is our Moshe Rabbeinu. That’s the message.”
Children who were born long after Gimmel Tammuz can still build a deep connection to the Rebbe – by learning his sichos, living by his directives, and seeing how his guidance continues to shape their lives today.
9. The Best Chinuch Happens Through Joy
“Simcha is one of the most important ingredients of Chassidus.”
A child will always remember whether Yiddishkeit made their home feel alive or heavy. Joy is not a luxury – it’s the foundation.
10. Chassidishkeit Should Be Appealing, Not Off-Putting
“If a chassidish kid is seen as awkward or strange, something’s broken in the messaging.”
When frumkeit feels unattractive or isolating, it’s often a packaging issue – not a content issue. Role models must be both genuine and relatable.
11. Our Children Lack a Sense of Mission
“A beard used to be mesirus nefesh. Now it’s a club.”
Pride in being Lubavitch must be rebuilt – not through slogans or superiority, but through a sense of shlichus, kedusha, and relevance to Hashem’s plan.
12. Children Need to See That They Matter to Hashem
“The greatest simcha is knowing you bring simcha to the Eibershter.”
Children should know they’re not just doing mitzvos to obey – they’re doing them because Hashem cares deeply and personally about them.
13. Torah Must Be Taught as Something Personal
“Yiddishkeit isn’t dues we pay – it’s our life.”
If Torah and mitzvos are just tasks to complete, they won’t stick. Children must feel that yiddishkeit is the air we breathe and the essence of who we are.
14. The Twelve Pesukim Are a Complete Chinuch Curriculum
“The Yud-Beis Pesukim are not slogans. They’re a worldview.”
When taught with explanation and meaning, the 12 Pesukim convey the foundation of a child’s mission, their relationship with Hashem, and a clear sense of purpose. They are not a side project, they are chinuch itself.
15. Change Is Slow, but It Works
“Frustrated after a week? Think how long it took you to change one habit.”
Chinuch is a process. Even small, steady shifts in tone, values, and modeling can change the course of a child’s life.
About the idea of taking about the Rebbe in a personal way, I’ve seen the following in kids.
It’s important to note, that if we want our children to like the Rebbe they must like their father.
If a father acts kind and genuine with his children, the child will feel a liking to the father and to the Rebbe and to Hashem.
Hashem is seen as a father. Whatever definition of a father the child sees in his personal father, the same way he will define the Rebbe and Hashem.
Be kind and your children will have positive feelings toward the father of father’s.
Is there a recording of this