What Happens After Shiva Ends?

By Someone Who Knows What Comes After

Losing my mother this past year is not something I ever dreamed would happen. I don’t think anyone does, especially at a young age. And I think there is so much about losing a loved one that people don’t always realize until they experience it themselves.

We all know someone who has lost a loved one, and maybe we’ve experienced it ourselves. We know about the shiva, the meals, the calls, the people who come to visit, and how to be there in those first days. But what happens after?

The loss happens on one day. The shiva ends. But the grief doesn’t.

There is so much more to losing someone than those first days. Everyone experiences grief differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there certainly isn’t a set timeline. Some days you’re okay, some days you’re really not. Sometimes something completely random brings everything back, and sometimes you don’t even know what you need.

So what is someone supposed to do? Good question.

Most people know about organizations that help during the immediate aftermath of a loss. Many know about Misamkim and the incredible work they do during shiva. Some may know Project Yedid as well. But is that all?

No. There is so much that comes after. And that is where I want to introduce you to something called Links Family.

More Than an Organization

Links was founded by Sarah Rivkah Khon and her husband. Sarah Rivkah lost her mother at a young age herself. She experienced that loss, saw the gap and the void that existed afterward, and recognized the need to fill it.

On paper, Links is an organization. In real life, it feels much more like a family.

When you’re grieving, sometimes you don’t need another organization telling you what to do. Sometimes you need people who understand. People who have been there. People who can listen, help you figure out what you need, or simply remind you that you’re not the only one going through this.

Links does so much throughout the year: Shabbatons, meetings, events, programs, resources, referrals, case management, and so much more. There are different divisions for different stages of life, from Little Pearls for younger girls, to Zisel Links for older girls, to Shloime’s Club for boys. There is Dress Me for the girls, Legally Links, therapy referrals, case management, and other resources.

But sometimes the easiest way to understand what Links does is to look at what is happening right now. For the girls, there are pre-Yom Tov meals and events. For the boys, there is Daled Minim, bringing the whole experience of choosing an esrog and lulav to them. And not just one kind of esrog.

There are many different types of esrogim available to accommodate different minhagim, along with food and the whole shopping experience, with experts on site to help answer questions and guide people through it. And it is all free. No cost. Even nice lulav bags are provided.

That might sound like a small thing when you’re looking from the outside. But when you understand what Links is trying to do, it isn’t really about an esrog or a lulav bag. It’s about creating an experience.

It’s about making sure a child who has lost a parent can still have these experiences, be part of something, and feel like they belong. That is what Links does again and again.

Sometimes Links provides the resource itself. Sometimes it connects you to the right resource. Sometimes it creates something because a need exists and nothing else does. And sometimes, perhaps most importantly, it is simply the person on the other end of the phone.

That’s what “Links” means to me. It is about connecting people: connecting someone to another person who understands, connecting a family to a resource they didn’t know existed, and connecting someone who feels completely alone to a community that says, we understand.

The People Behind It

There is another part of Links that has stayed with me. The people doing this work aren’t somehow removed from loss themselves. Many of them understand it personally. Sarah Rivkah is one of those people.

Tzom Gedaliah is her mother’s Yahrtzeit. This year, while carrying that grief herself, she spent the day working on the Links campaign, meeting donors, and doing what needed to be done. That night, she had an event to bring people together and help raise support for Links.

She shared something that really stayed with me. She was writing directly to her mother, imagining what her mother would have told her:

“Skip me! Go do whatever you need to do.”

But underneath that was something much harder. She didn’t even have an hour to sit down and simply cry. There was work to be done, even while she was carrying her own grief.

And then she asked her mother:

“Did you ever want a moment too?”

That line stayed with me. Because grief doesn’t disappear just because life keeps moving. And sometimes the people helping others through their grief are carrying their own, too.

If You’ve Lost Someone

Maybe you’re reading this because you lost a parent yourself. Maybe it happened recently. Maybe it happened years ago. Maybe you’re reading this because someone you love is grieving.

And maybe you’ve never heard of Links before. If that’s you, I want you to know that this exists.

You don’t have to know exactly what you need before reaching out. You don’t have to have the right words, and you don’t have to wait until things become unbearable.

Links offers support, programs, community, referrals, and resources for people who have experienced the loss of a parent. There are different programs for different ages and stages, along with practical resources for some of the things that come up as life continues.

Because grief doesn’t only affect your emotions. It can touch school, family, Yom Tov, Yahrtzeit, therapy, finances, legal questions, relationships, and so many other parts of life.

Sometimes you need someone to talk to. Sometimes you need someone to connect you to the right professional. Sometimes you need a community. And sometimes you don’t even know what you need yet.

That’s okay, too. You can reach out and ask.

The Everyday Needs, Too

Every Friday, Links also runs something called the Opportunities Chat. The idea is simple: sometimes there is a specific need that comes up that isn’t easily covered in the normal ways. Rather than trying to find one person to cover a large expense, the community comes together with lots of smaller donations in a short amount of time.

Maybe it’s helping with a child’s tuition, an unexpected family expense, or another need that comes up. One person might give $5, another $20, another $100, and together those smaller donations can become something significant.

The bigger programs, Shabbatons, events, and experiences are one part of what Links does, but there are also the everyday needs that come up throughout the year. The Opportunities Chat gives the community a way to step in and help with those needs, too.

You’re Not Alone

The message of Links is simple: You’re not alone. We’re in this together. And that isn’t limited to one neighborhood or one community.

Links reaches people and communities across the globe, including many in our own community and Chabad communities across the ocean. One of our own shluchim has even volunteered on a Shabbaton.

There are Yahrtzeit boxes, Shabbatons, meetings, events, and programs throughout the year. There are things for younger children, teenagers, boys, girls, and families. Some things may seem small from the outside, but can mean a lot to someone experiencing loss.

Because sometimes what a grieving person needs isn’t something huge. Sometimes they just need to know that someone remembered.

Why I’m Sharing This

Links is currently running its yearly campaign during the Aseret Yemei Teshuvah. And yes, this is a campaign. It costs money to keep all of this going: the programs, events, resources, support, staff, and the things that are provided to families at no cost. Links also works hard to respect the privacy of the families it serves.

But for me, this starts with something even simpler: making sure people know Links exists. There are people who may never have heard of Links until the day they need it.

If you’ve experienced a loss, or know someone who has, maybe this article itself is the most useful thing you take from it. Save the number. Visit the website. Send it to someone who may need it. You never know when knowing that this exists could matter.

And if you’re able to donate, don’t feel that your donation has to be a huge one. Maybe it’s $1. Maybe it’s $18. Maybe it’s $180 or more.

Every person has a different ability to give. A small donation, when added to hundreds or thousands of other donations, becomes something much bigger.

It helps make the programs possible. It helps with the everyday needs. It helps create experiences for kids who have lost a parent. It helps keep someone on the other end of the phone.

And helping doesn’t always mean donating money. Sometimes it means sharing the campaign. Sending someone the Links website. Forwarding the Opportunities Chat. Telling someone, “Hey, did you know this exists?”

You never know who might need it.

What Links Means to Me

I know there is no organization, no program, and no campaign that can give someone their loved one back. I know that better than I ever wanted to. But there can be people who help you carry what comes next.

People who understand that the loss doesn’t end when the shiva does. People who know there will be Yahrtzeits, Yom Tovs, birthdays, ordinary days, and moments when you suddenly wish you could pick up the phone and call that person again. And people who can say, you’re not alone.

That’s what Links has become for me. Family. And that’s why I want more people to know it exists.

If you or someone you know has experienced a loss, please take a look at what Links offers at
linksfamily.org.

You can never replace the person someone lost. But you can help make sure they don’t have to walk the road that comes afterward alone.