My Memories of an Incredible Simchas Torah by the Rebbe

Simchas Torah 5742

Rabbi Dovid Krautwirth

It took me a lot of time but it was worth it. Memories like this are to last a lifetime. So here it is:

This year ב”ה I had the privilege of spending Simchas Torah with the Rebbe in Crown Heights for the first time. I missed last year which was more exciting, but for me this was exciting enough, since I had spent all the past Simchas Torahs in New Jersey which was rather dull and boring. The first night there are no Hakafos at all, and the 2nd night they last all of one hour and are about as lively as a birthday party in an old age home.

This year I needed something more exciting, more spiritual, something that would last me all year (or for life). So I came to Crown Heights.

I arrived on Sunday the 4th day of Chol Hamoed at 1:00 PM, and left on Thursday. Isru Chag at 1:00 PM. Those 96 hours were the best I ever had, and one of the highlights of my life. I stayed by the Barber family, who were nice enough to take me even though they just had a new baby, and provide me with all the food and (alcoholic) beverages that I needed over Yomtov. 

The Rebbe says that after Tishrei is the time to “open the packages” which means to take the experience with you all year. So I will do that by writing them down.

Day 1: I had a ride from NJ to Crown Heights. I arrived at 1:00 PM, took care of my lodgings, and went out to see what was doing. Crown Heights was alive and active, I felt a Yom Tov spirit in the air. Many people were asleep though, because they had been dancing the entire night before until 6:30 AM. 

As I walked around, I felt straightaway in a Yom Tov mood. By almost every house was a sukka, people were going to and from shul carrying lulovim, and sukka mobiles were leaving for mivtzoim. The big sukka next to 770 was full of guests—eating, talking, sleeping, davening. I spoke to people about what had been happening the last few days and nights; I was told it was very freilich. It made me really anticipate Simchas Torah; I knew it would be an excellent experience.

The Rebbe was to come down for Mincha at 3:15, but people started to take their places about a half hour before. People davening Shacharis in the back were kicked out, and a nigun was started. People started dancing. The singing got louder and louder until, as the Rebbe walked in, it reached full strength. The Rebbe encouraged the nigun with his hand as he walked, until he went up on his platform and started davening. 

After davening, “vesomachta” was started, loudly sung by Zalmon Jaffe, and the Rebbe encouraged the singing as he left. I went out and came back a half hour later. People were still dancing—that makes 1 hour of dancing just for a regular Chol Hamoed Mincha. I can’t wait until tomorrow night. This 1 hour of dancing was livelier than the whole Hakofos in NJ.

I don’t understand where the people here get their strength from. They dance all night every night, and before and after every davening, and Simchas Torah didn’t even start yet. I have been saving my energy all Sukkos, and here these people never run out. I realized the answer to my question: they get their energy from the Rebbe.

In the afternoon it rained; I stayed in the house. At night was Hoshana Rabba. After dinner, we went to 770. When the Rebbe came in for Maariv at 9:30, the shul was packed. There were a lot more people than at Mincha because the Rebbe would say a sicha. Again there was dancing before the Rebbe came in.

After Maariv the Rebbe spoke a sicha for about 45 minutes. He explained how Simchas Beis Hashoeva is connected with Hoshana Rabba in a way even more than the other nights. Even though there is less time because we have to say Tikun, we can make up for it in quality. 

Right after the sicha, a nigun was started but the dancing only lasted a half hour. On the other nights it was on Kingston Ave. and lasted all night. It also attracted people from other neighborhoods. Tonight it was kept in 770 and small, but very lively like the Rebbe said. After that we read the whole Chumash Devarim, and at 1 AM the Rebbe came down for Tehilim. It finished at 2:45, but I wasn’t, so I went to bed at 4 AM. More and better to come.

Day 2: Hoshana Raba. Hoshana story.

On Hoshana Raba we have to bang a bundle of 5 aravos on the floor 5 times. We can’t use the aravos in the lulov, so we have to buy extra ones. Yesterday, people were all over Kingston Ave. selling aravos of various qualities for various prices. My host family had many growing in his backyard, so I figured I would buy them from him, (he offered them to me for free, but I declined, saying that I was entitled only to food, drinks, and a bed; not included hoshanas).

Last night his son was selling them in 770, I bought one and told him to hold it for me so I wouldn’t have to sit with it for 5 hours while I said tikun. This morning I asked him for it, but of course he had sold it to someone else. He had a few left, so I asked him to hold another one for me just for a short time while I went to bench the Rebbe’s lulov and esrog. A half hour later I returned, only to find that he was sold out. It was 5 minutes before davening and I was getting desperate. He gave me my money back, and I went outside to see if anybody was selling.

There was one person selling, highly inferior aravos at high prices ($2.00 for 5 weeping willows which grow on a tree bent, not on a bush straight). They are kosher only if you have no others. Having no choice, I bought them. Did I use them? To be continued after a description of the davening.

The Rebbe came in at 10:05 and davening started. It was surprisingly empty at first, but by the time hoshanas started, it was packed wall to wall. First the chazan, the Rebbe and about 20 older chasidim walked around the bima 7 times while everyone stood packed together watching. It was a beautiful scene. The chazan got very emotional while he said Hoshana at the end of each paragraph. His forehead was all red & he was sweating. Leibel Groner stood in front of him, pulling his siddur ahead, while the poor chazan was trying to keep up with him & at the same time stretch out the words & show his chazonus.

The Rebbe stood behind the chazan, holding his lulov and esrog, but without a siddur, quietly repeating the chazan’s words. When they finished the 7 Hoshanas, the Rebbe went back to his place to say the next 7 special Hoshanos which are only for today.

As soon as the Rebbe left, everyone charged around the bima & said the first 7. The crush was terrible. At each Hoshana, I was crushed tighter & tighter. At the same time, I had to hold my lulov + esrog in one hand, my siddur in the other, & say the Hoshanas. I felt like a juggler in the circus. By the fifth time around, I was no longer walking on the ground, just standing between people & getting pushed along with the flow. My lulov and esrog were stuck between me & the person in front of me.

Finally, I got myself out of that mess and started to work my way to the front to see the Rebbe for Hoshanos. That was a mistake. By the time I got to the front, my already battered lulov was bent at a 90° angle, the hadasim and aravos had lost most of their leaves, my esrog was brown and leaking. Good thing it’s the last day and I don’t need them anymore. When somebody’s tallis found its way over my head, I decided I had enough. I went to the back and said the rest of Hoshanos.

While I was doing that, I heard a big commotion. There was a big push and a crash as the Rebbe banged his aravos on the floor 5 times, then everyone else did it. The noise was deafening. It sounded like branches falling through trees as they are being chopped down.

In 770, things are never done by everybody at the same time. During laining, there was still a steady flow of people going around the bima, people at various parts of davening, people banging their aravos. I was a little behind the minyan. During laining, I reached inside my jacket, where I had put my aravos for safekeeping. They were gone. They had fallen during all the pushing. So after all that trouble I went through to buy them, I had to use someone else’s which had already been used.

When the Rebbe left shul at 11:30, there was still a steady flow of people going around the bima. When I came back at 1:00 PM, it was still going, only in a more roomy and comfortable manner. This means that there were enough people to go around for over 2 hours, and earlier there were about 100 people going at the same time. It’s incredible how many people are here during Tishrei.

Also, there was a constant swishing sound of people hopping and Hoshanos.

At 1:30, the Rebbe started giving out lekach (Honey Cake) from his private sukkah. It was only for people who didn’t receive on every Yom Kippur like me. Still, the line stretched from Union St. through the back of 770, through the big sukkah, to the Rebbe’s sukkah on the front lawn.

The Rebbe had several boxes of long honey cake on the table, and he had to break off each piece because it wasn’t sliced all the way down. He gave everybody a piece and said “שנה טובה ומתוקה”. 

The Rebbe’s sukkah is very beautiful. I don’t understand how the Rebbe could do everything he does during this month. A lot of farbrengens, sichos, standing, giving out lekach and Kos Shel Brocha, dancing, etc. The Rebbe can do all this at his age while an average person half his age couldn’t do it.

After I ate my lekach in the sukkah, I went downstairs to watch them set up for Hakafos.

All the benches and tables were removed except for a few running along the left wall. On the back wall was the grandstand, and on the right was the stage, which had various constructions of tables, benches, tables, benches, etc., stacked up almost to the ceiling. In front of the stage were several long tables stretching to the front.

This way, people along every wall could get a view from high up, but much floor space was left. In the middle of the shul were four tables set up as a square, and a small bima in the middle. This is where the Hakafos would take place.

The Rebbe would dance with the Rashag on a small platform. From this square, a passageway was made by tables running to the front until the Rebbe’s platform, so the Rebbe and those who got Hakafos could walk to the middle without being crushed by the crowd.

All the tables were held down to poles or whatever by thick, strong chains, so they wouldn’t get knocked over or broken by the crowd.

I planned out my strategy and decided to stand on the left of the four tables, and risk being squashed to death.

This is how the shul looked:

I would try to stand by the x. Now put 5,000 people in that.

The Rebbe wants his chasidim to go to other shuls to bring Simchas Yom Tov to people who otherwise wouldn’t have it. Because of this, the Hakafos in 770 start at 9:00 PM on the first night and midnight on the 2nd night when most people go for a long walk. The Rebbe waits until everyone gets back. Some people walk several miles each way like to Brighton Beach or Queens.

I had “mesirus nefesh” and walked 2 blocks to Empire Shteibel. I wish there was a way for some people to walk to NJ, we could certainly use some Lubavitch simcha.

Anyway Hakafos in Empire Shteibel were from 7 PM till 8, then I went to 770, there were a lot of people dancing around the shul. I danced very hard and strong, much better than I did in the shteibel. After a half hour I was tired and sweaty, perfectly ready for the Rebbe’s Hakafos. This was the best I have ever danced, and the real thing didn’t even start yet.

At 9:00 the Rebbe entered to a rousing nigun which had been sung non-stop for an hour or more. 770 was packed tight with about 5,000 men and boys. The pushing was intense and the heat was stifling. I was standing 3rd person from the tables around the bima, with many people squashing me from all sides. I couldn’t move nor was breathing easy. In spite of the crowd, a path was made for the Rebbe and his secretaries to walk through. It was just like קריעת ים סוף.

Normally when the Rebbe comes in everyone becomes quiet immediately, but not this time. The gaboim were yelling for quiet, but the noise continued. There was some semblance of order achieved when another commotion started. Hatzola, Hatzola, Hatzola! The first person to pass out had to be revived. When somebody faints, everybody near him shouts for the Hatzola. 

Meanwhile they started selling אתה הראת up on the platform. Each person who bought a posuk, gave it to the Rebbe. The Rebbe said each posuk in a loud clear voice full of simcha, and everyone screamed it back. The noise level was unbelievable. In 770 the whole אתה הראת is repeated 3 times. After the first, the Rebbe started his father’s Hakafos nigun.

Now I discovered the disadvantage of standing on the floor. Those who stood on benches could see the Rebbe clapping during this nigun and during Hakafos 2–6. From the floor however you had to jump up and down to see this, and that’s exactly what everybody did. I was not expecting this and suddenly I found myself caught in a mess of jumping people. I hung onto my neighbor and had a good ride.

The Rebbe was clapping vigorously for a few minutes. Then it stopped and the psukim were said again. After that we sang “Uforatzta” and again we bounced up and down.

After the third אתה הראת (and the 2nd Hatzola call) the first Hakafa started. The Rebbe and all those who were privileged to share it with him, walked down the path carrying a Sefer Torah, went to the middle and walked around the bima. Now the best part was to come. The Rebbe and the Rashag stood by the bima, each put a hand on the other’s shoulder and they danced. The Rebbe held a small Sefer Torah. A furious nigun was screamed by 5,000 people.

The whole thing lasted only 3 minutes but it was a thrilling sight and was worth all the pushing. After it was over, the Rebbe and the others went back up to the platform where they stayed until the 7th. We all relaxed a little and breathed easier. 

Different groups of important people got the other Hakafos. The Rebbe stood up front facing the crowd. Sometimes he clapped during the singing. Between Hakafos he leaned on his shtender (resting?). The 7th Hakafa was a repeat of the first; we all got into position again and sang the same nigun. This time Dr. Weiss (the Rebbe’s doctor since 1977) danced together with the Rebbe and the Rashag. It seems the Rashag wasn’t feeling well (he had a stroke last year) and Dr. Weiss helped him along.

Before the 5th Hakafa the Rebbe said that the Tzivos Hashem kids should participate in this Hakafa like they did last year. However the Rebbe didn’t dance with them like he did last year. It was a big bother to get all the kids into the middle; some squeezed between people, others crawled under feet or were passed over heads.

In back of me was a platform where the whole Camp Gan Yisroel was having a reunion. I was in the center of the area for loading and unloading. I had kids over my head, under my feet, my hat was knocked off 20 times, and I caught 3 kids who were thrown and would have landed on my head if I hadn’t caught them. “WE WANT MOSHIACH NOW!” they sang while the Rebbe clapped full strength up front. After the Hakafa we had to send all the kids back which was a major commotion and then another Hatzola call.

After the 7th Hakafa all the Sifrei Torah were returned to the Aron; everyone sang together Aleinu and Al Tiroh like it’s sung in camp. The Rebbe clapped all the way through.

Afterwards the Rebbe stood on a platform and announced “GUT YOM TOV!” 3 times, everyone screamed back. The Rebbe started “VESOMACHTA!” and encouraged everyone with his hand as he left the shul. Hordes of people pushed to the back to get air, or jumped onto tables or into the middle. It felt good to be able to move again after 2 ½ hours of being cramped.

The singing and dancing continued, and I only stayed a short time because it was almost midnight and I didn’t even make Kiddush yet. I went to my host’s sukka where I was warmly welcomed. The cool night air felt good after all the sweating I did in 770 but my host said I should wear a coat. I said “you sound like my mother.” He said “I don’t want your mother to say you got sick in my sukka.” So I gave in even though wearing a coat is not one of my favorite things especially when I just cooled off.

We had a nice seuda with good food, drinks and singing; I went to bed at 2:00 AM. The best is yet to come.

Shmini Atzeres. Davening started at 10:00 AM. It was pretty empty at first, but slowly filled up. The chazan was good and several nigunim were sung during davening. I stood 2nd row from the tables during the Rebbe’s maftir. It was tight but I heard. Then came a push that I was not expecting. After maftir we had to go out for Yizkor.

I thought that those who have to leave, do so in an orderly fashion. I should have known 770 better than that. I received an elbow in my stomach, followed by a whole mass of bochurim pushing me out. I didn’t regain my balance, but hung onto the guy in front of me. Finally I made it out the door, but the push continued until the sidewalk. As soon as I was able to relax, it was time to go back in. I took no chances but went around the back. I passed 2 minyanim in the sukka and 3 in the upstairs shuls. I got duchened twice on the way and then went downstairs. 

During Musaf we said תפילת גשם, the chazan was showing off his voice at the expense of our hungry stomachs. Then came duchening. 300 Cohanim had to make their way to the sinks and then to the Rebbe’s platform. It was disorderly of course, but they all made it. The Rebbe stood on the floor while they went up on the platform. It was very impressive to me to hear 300 Cohanim singing the nigun and the words together. It was unlike anything I was used to. After Musaf the Rebbe wished everyone “GUT YOM TOV!” 3 times and started “Vesomachta”, as he left. 

We went home to have our physical simchas Yom Tov in the sukka. I had enough meat, wine, other good food, liquor and singing to put me in the proper spirit. I went for a walk around Crown Heights. to work off some of what I had consumed. I was on a high. I saw many groups of people walking to shuls all over Brooklyn to bring simcha. It was a beautiful sunny day, I was feeling very good, but somehow I had a strange feeling that while I was enjoying myself so much, somebody was suffering, (I found out after Yom Tov what it was).

That feeling didn’t last long as soon I was thinking about where to go tonight. I contented myself with Empire Shteibel again. We made Hakafos until 9:30, then went home to eat. The Rebbe farbrenged from 9:00 until 12:00 to allow the far walkers to get back in time for Hakafos. It’s the one farbrengen the Rebbe wants you to miss, but those who don’t go away stay, and many people come back in the middle. However, I forgot about it and was busy eating and drinking.

Someone had misled me into thinking that Hakafos begin the 2nd night at 1:30 AM. So I strolled into 770 leisurely at 12:00, thinking I would get my place. I nearly flipped out! The Rebbe was already up front and everyone was all packed in. I used my elbows and feet and pushed my way to the place where I was yesterday. Fortunately, a bunch of Israelis were busy fighting with each other and didn’t notice me. For 15 minutes they were selling אתה הראת. The Rebbe stood waiting but didn’t do anything unusual, so I will describe the nutty events that were happening at that point.

The shul was packed from wall to wall with about 5,000 men and boys lining the walls, packed on the floor, stage and bleachers. There was a constant swaying back and forth in my area and several times we all fell backwards and immediately scrambled back into place. The noise was impossible, the gaboim did not even try to restore order.

People who are going through a disaster together often become close and friendly and try to humor the situation. My neighbors and I felt like we were on a ship during a storm—rocking back and forth. So instead of fighting with my neighbors like other people were doing, I made friends with them. We joked about the situation and made fun of those who were fighting.

My neighbors were from the USA, Israel, England, Australia, France, Morocco, Tunisia, Iran, and Brazil. We spoke to each other in whatever common language we had and I asked them about Jewish life in their countries.

Hatzola / Fainter #1. Then there was another commotion. A policeman came in shlepping a huge fan. Someone had asked him to bring it for the Rebbe. He wound his way through the crowd, he looked bewildered and astonished at what he saw, a huge crowd of thousands of Hasidim packed like sardines, pushing and shoving, chained tables in the middle with hordes of people clinging to them, and a big platform up front with some old rabbis standing doing nothing much.

When the poor guy finally made it to the Rebbe’s platform beaten and battered, the Rebbe said he did not want Yom Tov violated for him even by a non-Jew, so after all that, he had to shlep it back. I don’t want to think about what was going through his mind at that time.

All of a sudden there was another commotion, the biggest one yet. We turned around and saw somebody staking out a place for Hakafos. He found a place with a great view and breathing room. He climbed up one of the pillars! He was over 10 feet up and he was wearing sneakers so he could climb better. Everyone was yelling. Some people yelled “GET DOWN!” Others yelled “STAY UP!” The ladies were throwing things at him for blocking their view. He was getting nervous and starting to shake. I was afraid he would fall on people’s heads. Finally everyone quieted down and he stayed up. I was jealous, why didn’t I think of that?

The cop got out of 770 as fast as he could. He looked a little upset about something like he had just been hallucinating and was trying to bring himself back to normal. I could just imagine when he got outside, he probably fell to his knees and proclaimed “I BELIEVE!”

I looked upstairs to see who had it worse, the men or the ladies. In one second I had my answer. Hundreds of ladies were packed together pressed against the plastic windows which were constantly bulging in and out. The ladies were all pressed together in one mass, not as individuals. When one moved they all moved. The heat was more oppressive up there than down here, I could see vapor on the windows.

BANG! CRASH! A big commotion from both sides. A window had been pushed out and it fell on the men. I had a feeling that would happen the way they were being pushed on. The men on tables below them, just lifted the window back up and replaced it in its frame.

Through all this time the Rebbe stood leaning on his platform ignoring the circus. Finally after אתה הראת was sold, the gaboim restored some order and everyone settled into their places including that nut on the pillar.

After the psukim they sang the same nigun as last night but it was even more freilich. I couldn’t imagine anything more, but it was. The Rebbe clapped with all his strength and everyone screamed the nigun. It was the same during the first Hakafa. Words cannot describe the absolute, total simcha in the air, on the Rebbe’s face and on the face of everyone in the shul no matter how squashed he was. It lifts a person out of this world as the Rebbe says “SIMCHA BREAKS LIMITATIONS”.

During the 2 minutes that the Rebbe danced, I felt transported to another world. I didn’t feel that I didn’t go to sleep at a normal hour for the last 3 nights, nor did I feel that I was sweating, squashed, pushed, my feet were supporting someone, my ribs had elbows in them etc. I only felt the simcha in the air and on the Rebbe’s face.

During the other Hakafos the Rebbe clapped like last night while those people on the floor jumped up and down, those on benches watched comfortably(?). They were squashed but at least they stood in one place. The people in the back could not see at all, they just danced on their own.

During the 4th Hakafa I had to walk outside to get air and water. My heart was beating too fast from all the excitement and I sat down and rested for a few minutes. When I calmed down I went back inside and my friends who I made before actually let me back into my place. Usually when somebody tries to reclaim a whole place it causes a fight.

Before the 5th Hakafa the Rebbe spoke a sicha about the significance of this Hakafa that it is in honor of Eretz Yisroel. Those who have this Hakafa here should imagine that they are celebrating it in Eretz Yisroel where they make 2nd Hakafos tonight even though it is not Yom Tov. We could do this because the simcha of Hakafos transcends time and place.

The 7th Hakafa must have been like the first but I missed it. Right before it started someone fainted, and Hatzola was called. The guy who revives fainters was inside the tables exactly opposite me. He climbed over the table, pushed away about 50 people including me, and took care of the fainter.

Everybody scrambled back up and crushed against the table, but I lost my balance and could not get up fast enough. I struggled in but was thrown out. My friends were in the front row and could not help me. So I used my imagination for the last Hakafa.

After the 7th Hakafa came the climax of the whole Yom Tov. The Rebbe clapped very hard during the psukim after Aleinu. Then he got up on his chair and announced: “GUT YOM TOV! GUT YOM TOV! GUT YOM TOV! DALOY GOLUS! DALOY GOLUS! DALOY GOLUS! HU ELOIKAYNU……” The Rebbe got down and left the shul swinging his hand vigorously to encourage the singing. Everyone danced around for an hour singing HU ELOIKAYNU, then they sang other nigunim.

From when the Rebbe left at 2:30 AM until I went home at 4:30 was the best time I ever had in my life. I danced around and around non-stop except when I needed to drink. They brought in many bottles of soda during the 7th Hakofah because people were hot and thirsty. I did not drink then because I don’t enjoy drinking from a bottle that 50 other people drank from. After the Rebbe left, I went to the back room, brought out a few bottles, and drank from one until my thirst was quenched.

After that, I drank mostly alcoholic beverages which didn’t slow me down but only made me happier and more lively. I danced harder and sang louder the more I drank.

After the Rebbe left and the crowd cleared out, the scene was chaos. The floor was littered with lost articles like hats, gartels, buttons, shoes, glasses. Later as the dancing continued, other things were added to the collection like empty soda bottles, vodka bottles, cups, plates, pickles.

The dancing lasted all night. It’s amazing how 2 days with the Rebbe could change a person. Only 2 nights ago after Maariv when everybody was dancing I did not join. Even when people tried to pull me in, I refused. Now I was pulling people in and shaking their kishkas out.

The drinks I had also helped and I did things that I am normally too reserved to do, like dancing with my rebbes from yeshiva, distributing mashke to my friends, spilling drinks (by accident) on someone’s suit, and being hyper until somebody took me outside to calm down. When I came back in I continued dancing but not so wild.

Soon I got thirsty again. I got a bottle of warm Sprite, but I dropped it on the floor. I captured it, put it on the table and opened it. I was holding it on the edge of the table when I opened it, it fell on the floor and began spraying people on all sides. It was spinning around (like me) because it received a kick and shaking before. Everyone moved out of its way, no one had the guts to pick it up. I quickly disappeared into a dancing circle so nobody would know who did it.

I was never so happy in my life as I was in those 2 hours. I couldn’t stop dancing around and around. I danced on top of the tables, in back of the shul, in front, outside, and everywhere. Finally around 4:30 I forced myself to stop. The only reason I stopped so early was so I would be able to get up that next morning for the Rebbe’s minyan, otherwise I would have continued all night like some people. I didn’t even feel tired due to my half-intoxicated state and the late (early) hour.

I was escorted home. I went home happy and satisfied, in the best of spirits. I now experienced a Simchas Torah with the Rebbe in its fullness and received much spiritual uplifting from it. I didn’t even feel all the physical ordeals I had been through. I got into bed and fell asleep at 5:00 AM.

I woke up at 9:00 AM. I felt like I had a full night’s sleep. I was in a different world, ready for more action in 770. I ate something and went to Empire Shtiebel for קריאת התורה so I could get an aliyah which everybody should do. Then we went to 770 for davening which started at 10:00 AM. It was a normal Yom Tov davening except it was half empty and the duchening was during Shachris instead of Musaf. 

Hakafos started at 11:30. The shul had filled up, but not like last night. I got my place by holding it through davening. The selling and saying of אתה הראת went quickly and Hakafos started. There was some pushing before Hakafos but nothing like the last 2 nights. The Lubavitch minhag for Hakafos during the day is to circle the bima only 3 ½ times, but to say all 7 tefilos. The Rebbe and those having Hakafos did all 3 ½ circles without going up front in between. Because of this, it went much faster than at night.

A message for all those who pushed so hard last night: The Rebbe and Rashag danced longer and better during the day. The Hakafos nigun was sung (screamed) for about half a minute, then it stopped. The Rashag stopped dancing for a short time, then started again. The singing started and stopped again 7 times!

Each time the Rashag stopped to rest, the singing stopped and when he started dancing with the Rebbe again, the singing picked up. The noise level would go from quiet to nearly 100 decibels in a second, then fall back down again in a second. The Rebbe is always like that, one move of the hand gets everybody going, long move or look gets everybody quiet.

After Hakafos all the sifrei Torah except 3, were returned to the Aron. The Baal Koreh started leining after some order was achieved. The Rebbe got חתן תורה not חתן בראשית, so one less thing to push for. Today and Yom Kippur morning are the only times the Rebbe doesn’t get Maftir after the Haftorah. As the 3 sifrei Torah were being returned, everyone sang שישו ושמחו but not very lively.

The Rebbe stood on his platform and clapped slowly. Then for the last half a minute, the Rebbe clapped very strong and everyone sang very loud, faster and faster until I couldn’t pronounce the words. Then it stopped and we davened Musaf. After davening the Rebbe gave us GUT YOM TOV! 3 times, and VESOMACHTO! It was 2:30 PM. I couldn’t sing anymore.

I had lost my voice last night after 4 AM, but this morning I had some of it back. Now I lost it completely after screaming the Hakafos nigun and שישו ושמחו. My voice was gone, hopeless. We had a very lively seudah at home. Everybody was singing a lot. While everyone sang out loud, I had to sing along silently. When I whispered “I lost my voice in 770”, someone said he would go there and try to find it for me, but I said I will find it myself after Yom Tov. We finished eating (and drinking) at 4:30. 

I said חתת which was to finish the Chumash, then off to 770 for Minchah and I grabbed a place for the farbrengen. The Rebbe does this at the end of every Yom Tov including Rosh Hashana to extend the Yom Tov into the weekday and take the spirit for all year. This is a beautiful thing especially on Simchas Torah when there won’t be any more Yamim Tovim for a few months. In NJ they just daven Maariv as soon as it gets dark and they go home. They don’t really appreciate it, so they do nothing to extend it.

The Rebbe came down at 6:00 PM, washed, said Hamotzie, ate challa and drank wine. Everyone had already washed and eaten a kezayis and continued to eat at least once an hour. While the Rebbe ate at the beginning, everyone sang nigunim and said lechaim to the Rebbe. 4,000 people were packed together.

I stood on the last bench in the back of the shul. I couldn’t hear the Rebbe speak. I watched it get dark and thought THANK G-D about back home in NJ how everybody was back to working while we still had a few hours of Yom Tov to enjoy.

After the 2nd sicha I couldn’t take my tight packed position anymore so I moved to the top of the bleachers. I stood more comfortably and actually heard better. Between sichos different nigunim were sung loud and lively.

At 11:00 the Rebbe benched mezuman much louder than he had spoken. We said יעלה ויבא even though Yom Tov was officially over 4 hours ago. Then we davened Maariv while the benches and tables were being rearranged in a disorderly fashion.

The Rebbe made Havdolah loudly over the same cup of wine that he benched over, and began to give everyone “Kos Shel Brocha”. Each time the cup was nearly empty someone refilled it so we always would get a drop of the original Rebbe’s wine.

Normally a farbrengen gets less crowded later on, but tonight it kept filling up. After Yom Tov was over people drove in from other neighborhoods and even Jersey. Other Chasidim came from Boro Park and Monsey with shtreimels. It’s beautiful to see all types of Jews coming to get a drop of wine and a brocha from the leader of the generation. Everyone stood (and pushed) on many lines on the benches, waiting and moving very slowly.

I didn’t get on line until 12:30, and didn’t get my wine until 2:00. During the whole time nigunim are sung and sometimes the Rebbe encourages the singing with his hand, but it takes much patience to stand on line for so long. 

This year there was an innovation, the Tzivos Hashem choir stood in back of the Rebbe and sang while a band played. The Rebbe’s patience never wears down — people keep coming and coming. To some the Rebbe gave a bottle of mashke and said they should use it for something. 

At last, my turn came. The Rebbe gave me sort of a funny look, then poured a big splash from his cup into mine. I don’t know why the Rebbe looked at me that way; maybe he saw how much I enjoyed myself, or maybe he saw something good for me in the future, or maybe… well nobody really could know what the Rebbe is thinking. With that bit of wine my WONDERFUL experience ended. 

Kos Shel Brocha ended about 2:30 AM. When it finished, the Rebbe clapped strongly when the children sang “WE WANT MOSHIACH NOW!” and 2 other songs. I had already left and heard about it the next day. I was exhausted and sore and went to bed happy and satisfied with all my experiences. Running through my head were nigunim, dancing, hakafos, lekach, farbrengens, the Rebbe, singing, dancing, hakafos, ……

I woke up very late Thursday morning – 11 AM. Now I felt tired. Last night I told somebody how wide awake I felt even though I didn’t go to sleep at a normal hour for the last 4 nights. He said “DON’T WORRY TOMORROW YOU WILL FEEL IT.” He was right. I felt like I hadn’t slept at all.

I also had sore muscles from Tuesday night and last night when I stood on line for an hour with my leg pressed against a table. Somehow it didn’t hurt when it was happening, but now my muscles were stiff, my feet were sore, my ribs were starting to expand.

I dragged out of bed and went to 770 to catch a minyan. I wanted to see the Rebbe one more time before I go back to NJ, he would come down for קריאת התורה. But nobody woke me up, so I missed it. Crown Heights was quiet and drowsy. There were a lot of minyonim in 770 but it was like after a storm. Only yesterday we were dancing and singing with the Rebbe, I was loaded with alcohol and in the highest spirits.

Today I felt strange. I was spiritually uplifted by all my experiences, but a little sad that it was all over and I would have to go back to NJ. The davening was back to normal. No lulov, hoshanos, hallel, musaf. No hakafos. It felt strange to put on tefillin again after 9 days.

After davening I thanked my hosts for a wonderful time and got my ride to NJ at 1:00. Late breakfast at 2:30. Slightly mixed up day.

Chasidim say that a person can accomplish THE SAME by being happy on Simchas Torah as by davening on Rosh Hashona and Yom Kippur. I saw how true that was this year. Hopefully next year I will be able to be with the Rebbe for all of Tishrei. And our real hope is to be with the Rebbe for Tishrei in the בית המקדש השלישי במהרה בימינו אמן ותכף ומיד — MOSHIACH NOW!