Woman Serving a Man?

Ask the Rov: Is there a problem for a woman to serve food to a man?

By Rabbi Chaim Hillel Raskin – Rov of Anash in Petach Tikvah

Among the halachos established to preserve tznius and set safeguards in place, Shulchan Aruch rules that one may not be served food or drink by a member of the opposite gender, as this is something special done for a spouse.¹

One permitted way is to set the plate down differently, such as with one’s weaker hand or at a slight distance from the person being served. Some poskim are lenient whenever the spouse of the one serving the food is present or when there are several other guests present. In such cases, there is less concern that a special closeness will develop.²

The Rama mentions a custom to be lenient regarding certain details, though it’s not entirely clear if he’s referring to serving food or another aspect.³Poskim note that when there’s no one else present — even though precautions are in place to avoid yichud, such as an open door— the prohibition applies.

The Aruch Hashulchan notes the common practice of hostesses serving food to their guests even when their husbands aren’t eating with them. He explains that these acts of hospitality aren’t done for the purpose of engendering closeness but rather for the mitzvah and in the capacity of the one responsible for the running of the house. The Aruch Hashulchan applies a similar principle to the hostess of a motel.⁴

Contemporary acharonim use a similar approach for nurses in the hospital, waitresses in a restaurant, or stewardesses on a plane, as in these scenarios, there is no objective of creating a closeness.⁵

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From The Weekly Farbrengen by Merkaz Anash