ט׳ מרחשון ה׳תשפ״ו | October 30, 2025
This Is Not a Time for Blame, But for Love
In the wake of today’s heartbreaking tragedy in Yerushalayim, R’ Dovi Brod addresses the pain, confusion, and questions that arise after such events. While the human soul is complex and struggles often remain hidden, life itself is always sacred, purposeful, and always worth fighting for.
By R’ Dovi Brod
The tragic event that took place today in Yerushalayim has shaken us all.
We still do not know exactly what happened, but since I have already been asked in recent hours how to respond and discuss such a painful event, I decided—rather than write my usual weekly post—to share the following words.
I do not wish, chas veshalom, to “dance on the blood,” and writing so soon after the event is difficult. Still, with so many rumors, assumptions, and accusations circulating, I feel it is important to try and prevent unnecessary anguish, self-blame, or, R”L, imitation.
When a tragedy like this occurs—our hearts break, and our minds seek answers.
It is a human and natural reaction: out of the fear that this could happen to any of us, we rush to ask: Who is at fault? What caused it?
We look for explanations, something to hold onto—something that will calm our anxiety and make us feel that this could never happen to me. “There must have been a reason,” we tell ourselves, “there must have been some background.”
But the truth is that in most cases, there is no single clear reason.
The human soul is complex, multilayered, and deep.
Sometimes even a person who seems calm, happy, and surrounded by friends carries within a storm no one else can see.
It is difficult—almost impossible—to recognize such thoughts or feelings in advance.
Because ultimately, the ways of the soul—and the ways of G-d—are hidden.
There are places within a person’s soul that even they do not fully understand, let alone those around them.
The friends and community of this bochur have begun examining their own actions, searching for what might have caused this.
But that is a mistake. Nothing in the world can directly cause something so severe.
Of course, we must all strive to improve in how we treat one another—to be respectful, kind, and sensitive.
But the thought that his friends somehow “caused” this is both painful and untrue.
Many young people struggle with challenges at this stage of life.
Yet amid all the confusion and pain, it is vital to remember one simple and profound truth:
Life is sacred.
Your life is not your possession—it is a Divine trust.
“As against your will you live, and against your will you die.”
G-d granted life, and only He has the right to take it away.
When a person ends their own life, they are harming the most precious and holy thing there is: the sanctity of life itself.
Torah views life as a Divine mission—and that mission continues as long as the soul is within the body.
No person is ever deprived of the strength to face their challenges.
Difficulty is part of life, but along with it, we are always given the power to overcome.
This is one of the deepest principles in Judaism and Chassidus: with every test, comes the strength to endure it.
The Rebbe writes in a letter (22 Kislev, 5717 / 1956):
“When you write that you are compelled [to act thus], this is certainly not true. A Jewish person is never compelled, Heaven forbid, to go against the will of the Creator.
“Furthermore, such an act serves no purpose, for as long as the soul has not completed its mission as commanded by the Giver of the Torah, it must return again and again to this world—except that if one has worsened matters, each return becomes even harder…
“And it is clear that all the explanations and justifications you give are false arguments from the side of evil that have no basis in reality.
“May you recognize the truth—that it is good, both spiritually and physically.”
These are sharp and piercing words, but behind them lies boundless love for every Jew, and profound faith in the power of every soul to rise above pain, to face challenges, and to live a full and joyful life.
Therefore, alongside the horror and total rejection of the act itself, there must also be compassion.
A young person who ends his life is undoubtedly in deep pain—feeling lonely, lost, and tormented beyond what he could bear.
He does not truly wish to die—he wishes for the pain to stop.
And that pain must be met with seriousness, empathy, and open hearts.
At the same time, we must never turn such an act into an option, a message, or an example.
There is no legitimacy to it—not religious, not moral, not human.
It is not a form of expression, not an escape, and not a solution.
As it says in Pirkei Avos: “Let not your inclination promise you that the grave will be a refuge for you.”
We must not normalize, justify, or portray such actions with understanding.
Life—with all its difficulties—is a gift, and always worth fighting for.
Our message to young people in such times must be clear and direct:
If you are struggling—ask for help.
Do not stay alone.
Do not hint and hope someone will understand on their own.
Speak up—clearly and courageously—ask for help!
That is not weakness—it is strength.
And to every young person who hears about such events and feels fear or identification—remember:
You are just at the beginning of your journey.
Even if right now it feels dark, even if you cannot see a way out—this is a phase, and it will pass.
Life changes, the soul grows, and you will yet discover within yourself strengths you never knew you had.
Many people have gone through dark times in their youth, struggled, persevered, and went on to build beautiful lives and families.
Pain does not determine the future—it is only one chapter in the story.
Now, in the midst of this storm, we must remember:
This is not the time for blame—it is the time for compassion.
Not the time to judge—but to see one another.
To listen, to be sensitive, and to make sure no one is left alone in their pain.
Because the sanctity of life is not only a religious principle.
It is a deep belief in the power within every human being, in every situation, to find the way back to light.
COMMENTS
Nice article, but for to many, this won’t talk to them.
For some, this isn’t a phase, it’s their life’s story.
“Ask for help?” Ask who? Where? over 30% of those who need help, don’t get the help because they don’t know where to start. And asking friends comes with shame, so they are stuck.
Who’s paying?
“Life is always worth fighting for”, although that is true, more then enough Frum jews have been fighting that fight for to long and just couldn’t continue. Can we judge them? C”V!
Lots are still fighting that fight and need their friends and family’s help. Be open for their signals, and reach out!
May his Neshama have a peaceful and Lichtigeh Gan Eden!
Very well written, but one ha’arah I would make בדרך אפשר: you write it is a mistake for those around him to examine their actions etc.
While people can’t necessarily be blamed etc., I don’t think it’s a mistake to do a חשבון הנפש as they are doing. While they should not feel like they directly caused it, it is important to realize that actions can have a much stronger effect on a person than those around him realize. This is a reminder that even if it seems inconsequential, the difference between something like saying א שווערע ווארט or keeping it inside is a lot more than what we see. It may not cause something directly, but it can trigger something we aren’t aware of.
Never the less important, since if people percieve their action causing this result and feeling bad for it, you will inevitably cause someone who is bullied to feel – ah, thats going to get them back and feel bad. This mindset needs to be strongly prevented, and therefore wisely elaborated by rabbi brod.
Unfortunately, these instances serve as a wake up call for our community to become more mental health aware.
I’m sorry, but I believe this is mistaken. When someone bullies another person in a severe way, they must examine themselves deeply and honestly. The fact that their victim may have had a preexisting condition should not lessen their responsibility—it should make them reflect even more seriously on the harm they may have caused. The person being bullied might already be carrying immense pain, and the bullying could be amplifying that suffering to unbearable levels.
Yes, bullies too will eventually need to move on with their lives. They may become different people—perhaps the kind of people the victim’s soul would want to forgive. But to simply shrug off the crushing weight of responsibility by saying “nothing directly caused it” feels out of step with the true evil of severe bullying. Accountability matters. Redemption is possible in the end of the tunnel, but it begins with facing the excruciating truth.
The bully is only responsible for his actions. The person who took his life is responsible for his actions. The bully is not responsible for the victim’s actions. That is a false premise that causes only harm. The bully should take responsibility and accountability for his actions and commit to doing better. Feelings of shame and guilt are terrible, unnecessary and nothing good comes from it. It’s too heavy to carry that load and it’s not even true in the first place. There’s a letter of the Rebbe where he writes clearly that no human being can cause such a thing to happen. Of course that doesn’t mean do whatever you want. Everyone needs to take ownership over HIS OWN ACTIONS
If we follow the logic—and the theology, true but misapplied—that “no human being can cause another to lose his life,” then even a murder wouldn’t be considered the cause of death. That’s absurd. You’re proposing a false binary: either the bully fully murdered the victim, or had no role at all. But reality doesn’t work in absolutes.
Let’s stop playing semantics. The truth speaks for itself. Of course, the bully didn’t intend for the victim to die, and he didn’t purposefully kill him. But he did contribute to a situation where someone with a preexisting vulnerability was pushed to unbearable pain and made a tragic decision. That’s not distant. That’s a role.
Bullying has a well-documented pattern of triggering emotional collapse. It’s not some vague, indirect influence—it’s a known evil that can drive people to the edge. When someone is already struggling, cruelty can be the final blow. To deny that is to ignore both reality and responsibility.
I’m sorry but there needs to be more about the dangers of bullying and the responsibility of hanhala to look out for the bochurim. This article while important for its points, unfortunately takes all responsibility away from the bullies, which is totally false. We must finally address bullying and the yeshivas responsibility as well.
Just so you know, many of the bullying cases happening in Yeshivah is directly coming from parents and beyond the ability of the Hanhalah to sort-out. we as a community need to show respect for others.
Maybe, but unfortunately in a lot of cases and a lot of yeshivas, hanhala turns a blind eye. Tuition in mesivtas are over 15k and hanhala sometimes feels like it’s not their responsibility! Time to wake up and realize the tremendous achroyis, poshut they are holding lives in their hands!
I have to disagree. Bullying and exclusion can absolutely lead to suicide—this is well documented. Taking responsibility isn’t about blame, it’s about recognizing that our words and actions deeply affect others.
Chazal explicitly says, “כל המלבין פני חברו ברבים — כאילו שופך דמים” (Bava Metzia 58b): this isn’t just a metaphor it’s also literal
I would like to make three points on this article
1) does the writer know that many murderers suffer from mental illness or were in the “wrong state of mind” and regret their actions. would any sane government excuse murder because of their remorse or ignorance?!
So too in emotional bullets, when one’s actions cause pain and death, one needs do know what their actions caused and take responsibility for it.
2) This is the second death in the past two years cause from bullying, if not more. unfortunately, many great writers whitewashed the previous one, as writers are doing in this one.
One thing is apparent that these writers’ haves no clue about the complexity of bullying in a school setting and its effect on students. therefore, these writers better just keep quite and not pave the road for another death.
3) I call on our Rabbonim to rally together and fight this epidemic, which is very deep.
I was deeply depressed for years, it was very noticeable, and yes, I was socially tormented. Even for my being depressed I would get mocked. I got close to zero help.
Years later after I got a steady job I paid for my own therapy and finally was able to alleviate most of the baggage I carried. Yes, it did take a while going through therapists until I finally found the one who helped me.
But let’s either rewind the clock or better- put ourselves in the shoes of someone who is currently depressed/ going through challenges.
Lets say that quiet/ not so socially popular teenager quietly says: “I am depressed”. They leave out the word “suicidal” perhaps out of embarrassment.
Who exactly will help them?
Not always parents do, I’ll skip elaborating on that though.
If someone would have gotten me help then it could have saved me many years of sufferings.
I believe I deserve a gold medal for not doing anything stupid then, just there is no one to give it to me (especially as I am too ashamed to share my name).
I think most of our youth who are depressed even with suicidal thoughts (like I had) don’t end up doing it- maybe out of religious concerns. So what happens to them? Slip under the radar..
I imagine if there would have been an offer for help from our community like: Depressed? Suicidal? Need to talk? I may have reached out. I imagine reaching someone like Rabbi Shwei A”H would have been the best. We need someone we can trust, who is compassionate and wise.
For all those who are currently walking around in deep pain- is there anyone who can step up to the plate to help?
Not everyone who needs help is willing to get it, even when the resources are there
No words. Only prayers for those we’ve lost and their families; and for Moshiach and the Geulah. Plus, two practical, timely points:
1. Important to speak to one’s mashpia.
2. Everyone closely involved in what happened: for example, all family members, schoolmates, including those who participated in and/or witnessed the bullying, as well as witnesses to the tragedy, need to speak to a trained professional. Does not have to be from our community. Has to be a trained professional who can hear. This is very doable now with zoom.
Dorm situations are often difficult and some bullying may occur when the bully doesn’t know how to handle annoying events. Maybe this needs to be addressed when the bochrim arrive at the beginning of the year.
If a bochur, however, is needlessly mean, even if the abuse didn’t cause suicide in and of itself, there’s going to be guilt about the pain that was caused.