As a Rebbi, I’ve had the privilege of working with wonderful students and their supportive families. However, there’s a common misunderstanding I’ve noticed among many parents: the difference between simply saying “thank you” and really appreciating what Rebbis do.
By Rabbi Yosef M.
As a Rebbi, I’ve had the privilege of working with wonderful students and their supportive families. However, there’s a common misunderstanding I’ve noticed among many parents: the difference between simply saying “thank you” and really appreciating what Rebbis do. While both are important, they carry different meanings and impacts.
The confusion of the terms sadly ends up leading at times to unfortunate situations.
“Thank you” is an expression of gratitude. It’s a way to acknowledge someone’s actions or efforts briefly. When parents thank Rebbis, it’s a kind gesture that recognizes a job well done. However:
It is possible to thank someone even if we do not truly “appreciate” the job he has done.
Take a “pilot” for example: a passenger might thank him at the end of a flight even though the chances are that he doesn’t appreciate what it takes to learn and train to become a pilot and what it takes to fly an airplane.
Appreciation is a genuine recognition and understanding of the effort, time, dedication and challenges that someone puts into their work.
To truly appreciate Rebbis, parents should take the time to learn about the complexities of the classroom environment. Teaching involves not just preparing and giving shiurim but also managing diverse student needs, keeping all Talmidim engaged, assessing Talmidim’s progress, while trying to maintain a positive classroom environment.
Empathy is what is needed to move from “gratitude” to “appreciation.” Try to put yourself in a Rebbi’s shoes to understand the emotional and physical demands of the profession. Imagine managing a classroom of 20-30 students, each with unique needs and learning styles.
The difference between appreciative and unappreciative parents is not expressed in the size of the Chanukah Gelt or “end of year” gift they give. That is all gratitude.
An appreciative parent is noticeable when it comes to handling negative situations their children encounter in Cheder.
A parent who truly appreciates (i.e. understands) the job of a Rebbi, would not jump to conclusions and judgments about the Rebbi, and will have the appropriate humility and understanding that the Rebbi sees the bigger picture and the context of whatever happened.
An appreciative parent will approach a conversation with a Rebbi thinking “he is the one with the classroom and teaching experience and the chances are that he will know best how to handle the situation.”
This is of course not to say that parents shouldn’t offer suggestions. As long as they keep in mind that at the end of the day, he is the one who is being trusted with making the final action plan.
As a Rebbi, I get much more Chizuk from “appreciation” and “trust” than from “thank you” or “gifts” of any sort.
You will get your Rebbi to perform much better when you will give him the feeling that you “trust” him with your child’s chinuch And respect his action plan.
Truthfully, appreciation should be mutual. Just as parents should strive to understand and appreciate the Rebbi, Rebbis should also take the time to understand the situations of their students’ families.
By parents sharing information about their home environment – such as what it takes to get all kids out of the house in the morning or how difficult it is for your son to do his homework because of the lack of quite spaces in the house in the evening hours – parents can help Rebbis appreciate the unique challenges and strengths each student brings to the classroom, and it will help the Rebbi make more informed choices for the betterment of each Talmid.
The Rebbe told people in yechidus …
When they mentioned about their child’s Rebbi
.. the Rebbe replied “mistama meint ir zein melamed … Ah Rebbe faran nor eineh”
The Rebbe replied … You probably mean his teacher .. a Rebbe there is only one ” .
Please stop using Rebbi. or Rabbeiim when speaking about melamdim
This is something for year round too….
At home when speaking to your children about their melamed and especially in school.
Thank You for Posting
moishe schmukler
אין לסמוך על שמועות
Mrs. Teibke lipsker was once in Yechidus and the rebbe asked her how her son (one of them) which class is he is in, who is his teacher…? And when she came to answering who his teacher is she said “zein rebbe is…” and the rebbe interrupted her and said “Ir meint zein Melamed” and she said “Ich mein zein melamed iz…”
Afterwards when repeating over the story she said “A rebbe iz nor einer”
In this case how would children address their melamed?
lemoshol rabbi [last-name], or in old school chassidishe fashion reb ploni [first name], as mashpiim in yeshivos are often called
In classes above middle elementary this is common, however as far as I remember the younger boys when speaking directly to their Melamed 🙂 would call them Rebbi.
As a rebbi for many years, I couldn’t resonate with that more.
A trusting and apriciative parent is way geshmaker then any chanukah gelt..
That is not relevant to this discussion.
Besides “Rebbi” is noticeably different than “Rebbe.”
Thank you for writing this article. I appreciate all the effort and hard work that the dozens of melamdim and morahs put in with each of my (now grown) children over many years B”H. I am not in chinuch and because of that, I can’t totally feel in my gut what you go through in your job. I only know that I could never be a teacher, so I have great respect for all that you do! My children had all kinds of teachers, as you can imagine, and I know they all really tried their best, even if I didn’t always agree with their methods. I was the parent who pretty much kept their mouth shut and behaved as if I trusted the teacher even if I felt nervous. Bottom line: In the end, even when Teacher A was too strict for a child, Teacher B didn’t have enough classroom discipline, and Teacher C didn’t put a certain kid in the front row where they needed to be, my kids turned out GREAT B”H. And this is despite various specific normal concerns we had with some of the children over the years. In those days I could only see the small picture. Today I see the big picture. Ultimately, the things that bothered me about teachers’ methods didn’t have a major negative impact on my kids — they were little things in the long run. Yes, I have one child where a few serious mistakes were made, and a big part of the problem was a few teachers, when the child was older. It was one major action here and one major action there that were destructive. But ultimately, I have forgiven these people, because a big part of the issue was also
my child’s problems and attitude. And in the end, everything is Hashgacha Pratis, even when mistakes were made. I tried over the years to express appreciation and work with the teachers. I wish I could go back and properly thank and give this message to every one of the melamdim and morahs. Continue to have great success and see much nachas from your pupils. I hope all parents can say they kids turned out GREAT and that the melamdim and morahs will see it too! Especially with Moshiach Now.
I used to say this all the time….
UNTIL… my children got a very caring melamed who unfortunately EXCELS in discipline but doesn’t know enough about showing his love and empathy.
I can ignore his not knowing, and many other faults but the children excessive fear and not welcome enough is a problem