Sibling Affection

Ask the Rov: May a bochur hug his younger sister?

By Rabbi Chaim Hillel Raskin – Rov of Anash in Petach Tikvah

To affectionately touch any of the forbidden relatives (arayos) is forbidden.

While the Ramban holds it is a safeguard miderabanan, the Rambam holds it’s a de’oraisa transgression of lo sikrevu, and the halacha follows this view. Within this view, the poskim debate whether non-affectionate touch is also forbidden min hatorah or whether it’s prohibited miderabanan and permitted in cases of need. Any lustful thoughts would always make any form of touch prohibited.¹

Affectionate touch is completely prohibited, even for relatives who are not arayos, such as a niece or cousin.² However, poskim permit holding a young girl’s hand while crossing the street or the like. ³ (See more on this topic in issue 632.)

Unintentional touch — e.g., sitting next to a woman on a bus — isn’t halachically prohibited according to many poskim.⁴ However, it is preferable to avoid when there’s a choice, and some poskim are stringent due to the risk of it leading to inappropriate thoughts.⁵

Shulchan Aruch rules that with specific close relatives that usually don’t pose a concern of inappropriate thoughts — namely, a sister or aunt — hugging and kissing is disgraceful, foolish, and forbidden (dvar isur). Though it lacks any lustful pleasure and isn’t forbidden by the lav of lo sikrevu, it is nonetheless prohibited miderabanan.⁶

Non-affectionate touch between a brother and grown sister is a permitted by some.⁷ (See issue 780 regarding hearing a sister sing.) Hugging a young sister — under 11, or under ⁶, according to some⁸ — does not pose an issue.⁹

Parents and children may touch each other affectionately. Poskim rule that the same is true for grandchildren and great-grandchildren,¹⁰ though some advise being stringent with a married granddaughter.¹¹

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From The Weekly Farbrengen by Merkaz Anash