From the Anash.org Inbox: To purchase an Esrog this year, we happily deducted from our spending, but we had a dilemma: Should we put the money towards a single mehuderdike esrog, or should we bring an extra smile to our son’s face and split the budget for two plain esrogim?
By Eliezer Ben-Zev
It was common that bochurim of the 20th century didn’t have the means to acquire basic human necessities. With their parents’ meager incomes and themselves occupied with sacred studies, these youngsters were often left hanging. Yeshivos came and provided bochurim with food and shelter. Yet, their clothing was not being taken care of.
Seeing the shortfall, the Rosh Yeshiva of 770 Rabbi Mordechai Mentlik A”H established a fund titled “Kupas Bachurim,” with a mission to provide everything from coats to shoes so the Bachurim can dress warmly and dignifiedly.
This ‘kupah’ had a policy that at first seemed ironic: they will pay for all garments, except for two – the Yalmuka and Tzitzis. When Rabbi Mentlick was pressed about this seemingly strange policy, he answered “Mitzvos – one needs to pay for.”
This idea echoes what the Rebbe explained regarding the minhag to give children “Chanukah Gelt.” The child receiving the gelt has the liberty to use its value to fulfill his heart’s content. We can then educate the child to forgo his heart’s desires and give part of his gelt to a greater cause: ma’aser for tzedaka.
It was this concept that gave me clarity to a personal dilemma.
To purchase an Esrog this year, our family – like I’m sure many others – happily deducted from much-needed spending. However, we had a dilemma. Should we put the money towards a single mehuderdike esrog, or should we bring an extra smile to our son’s face and split the budget for two plain esrogim?
As I was heading to the Esrogim center, it was then that the “Kupas Bachurim” policy came to mind.
I walked into the Esrogim store and maximized the budget for a single beautiful and Mehuderdike Esrog, maximizing our family’s sacrifice.
At the same time, I explained to my bochur that Hiddur comes when one gives from themselves. Mine is of course available for him “al menas lehachzir,” but to have his own esrog, one needs to pay from his own. The level of hiddur would depend on his sacrifice.
With this, he is learning a lifelong lesson: True hiddur comes with sacrifice.
I think if everyone had a good עשה לך רב, they would make the right decisions and would have such joy and confidence, they wouldn’t need to post an article to “boast” their
great ideas…
Does your bachur have his own money? Or are you depriving him of the ability to : do the naanuim during Davening, go on mivtzoyim? Because if that’s the case, you haven’t taught him anything.
An average esrog really doesn’t cost that much anymore, I don’t see the point of this
I feel you missed the point. Did Mentlick expect the Bochurim to pay on their own? Pretty sure their parents bought the Yarmulke and Tzitzis.
Gut Yom Tov.
To all the judgement sounding like comments:
Please try a little harder not to judge someone until you are in their shoes.
To the Author:
Thank you for sharing your thought process. This choice was indeed a good choice.
I really don’t think anyone is so sophisticated and profound to look at what you did and learn a lesson from it, especially a bochur…
In the code of jewish law, the shulchan aruch, there is actually a section that deals with this question: siman 5656 (hiddur mitzva), siman 5657 (buying daled minim for your children). Why write an article about this, without referencing the basics – shulchan aruch, and poskim?