What Many People Don’t Realize About the ‘Fifth Son’

Every chossid, and perhaps every frum Jew, is familiar with the Rebbe’s concept of the “Fifth Son.” However, less known is what the Rebbe identified as the cause of this phenomenon and what should be done about it.

By Anash.org writer

Every chossid, and perhaps every frum Jew, is familiar with the Rebbe’s concept of the “Fifth Son.”

Sixty-eight years ago, on the 11th of Nissan, 5717, the Rebbe issued a now-famous michtav kloli, calling on all Jews to seek out and invite “The Fifth Son”—the Jew absent from the Seder—to the Seder table. Writing of the many Jews who had seemingly given up on the traditions of their ancestors, the Rebbe wrote: “There is no room for hopelessness in Jewish life, and no Jew should ever be given up as a lost cause.”

Over the following decades, this letter would go on to inspire thousands of public Seders worldwide and raise awareness that every Seder has an empty seat waiting to be filled—whether by a stranger, a friend, a co-worker, or even one’s own child.

However, less known is what the Rebbe identified as the cause of this phenomenon and what should be done about it.

In the letter, the Rebbe delves into the factors that led to the decline in Jewish awareness. Why was this son absent in previous generations? What changed to create this new kind of child, detached from their heritage?

Importantly, the Rebbe places the responsibility on parents who, in an effort to spare their children from conflict, compromise on their own commitment to Torah and yiddishkeit. Rather than openly acknowledging their struggles, they justified their choices and pointed out supposed “faults” in yiddishkeit. By depriving their children of an authentic Jewish experience, the Rebbe says, they raised a generation disconnected from their spiritual heritage, leaving them with a materialistic life devoid of meaning.

It is worthwhile to reflect on the Rebbe’s words and heed his guidance. Are we providing our children with a life of purpose? Are we prioritizing their physical comfort over their spiritual well-being? Will this truly bring them the happiness we hope for them?

Even if we sometimes face our own challenges in Yiddishkeit, we should be mindful of the messages we pass down to our children.

In the Rebbe’s own words:

“The regrettable truth is that the blame for the above-mentioned ‘lost generation’ lies squarely on the shoulders of the parents.

“It is the result of an erroneous psychology and misguided policy on the part of some immigrants arriving in a new and strange environment. Finding themselves a small minority and encountering certain difficulties, which are largely unavoidable in all cases of resettlement, some parents had the mistaken notion, which they injected also into their children, that the way to overcome these difficulties is to become quickly assimilated with the new environment, by discarding the heritage of their forefathers and abandoning the Jewish way of life.

“Finding the ensuing process somewhat distasteful, as such a course is bound to be full of spiritual conflict, some parents were resolved that their children would be spared the conflict altogether. In order to justify their desertion and appease their injured conscience, it was necessary for them to devise some rationale, and they deluded themselves, and deluded their children, by the claim that in their new surroundings the Jewish way of life, with the observance of the Torah and Mitzvoth, did not fit. They looked for, and therefore also “found,” faults with the true Jewish way of life, while in their non-Jewish environment everything seemed to them only good and attractive.

“By this attitude the said parents hoped to assure their children’s existence and survival in the new environment. But what kind of existence is it, if everything spiritual and holy is traded for the material? What kind of survival is it, if it means the sacrifice of the Soul for the amenities of the body?

“It is one of the vital tasks of our time to exert all possible effort to awaken in the young generation, as also in those who are advanced in years but still immature in deeper understanding, a fuller appreciation of the true Jewish values, of Torah-true Yiddishkeit, a full and genuine Yiddishkeit; not of that which goes under a false label of misrepresented, compromised, or watered-down “Judaism,” whatever the trademark.

“There is no room for hopelessness in Jewish life, and no Jew should ever be given up as a lost cause. Through the proper compassionate approach of Ahavas Yisroel, even those of the “lost” generation can be brought back to the love of G‑d (Ahavas HaShem) and love of the Torah (Ahavas HaTorah), and not only be included in the community of the “Four Sons,” but in due course be elevated to the rank of the “Wise” son.”