כ״א תשרי ה׳תשפ״ו | October 12, 2025
What Do You Even Tell Your Daughter?
As a proud Crown Heights mother, I want to begin by expressing deep appreciation and thanks to the incredible organizers of this year’s Simchas Beis Hashoeva. But while there’s so much to be thankful for, I also feel the need to share a concern that many mothers and girls have been quietly expressing.
By A Crown Heights Mother
As a proud Crown Heights mother, I want to begin by expressing deep appreciation and thanks to the incredible organizers of this year’s Simchas Beis Hashoeva. It’s clear how much effort, planning, and care went into making it special for our community. From the improved stage to the better walkways and smoother crowd flow — every detail showed real dedication. The music was uplifting, the kids’ program brought so much joy, and the decision to limit vending was something the entire community had been waiting for. It gave the event a more organized, cleaner, and more Chassidishe atmosphere — one that truly reflects the spirit of Simchas Beis Hashoeva in our Rebbe’s shchuna.
But while there’s so much to be thankful for, I also feel the need to share a concern that many mothers and girls have been quietly expressing. During the dancing, a group of boys — clearly from out of town — approached my teenage daughter, asked if she has a boyfriend, and began pressuring her to give him her number. When one of them realized she was only sixteen, he awkwardly walked away, saying she was too young. The experience left her shaken, and it left me furious. What do you even tell your daughter after that?
These are not isolated incidents. Too many of our girls are being approached by young men from other neighborhoods — from Flatbush, Queens, and beyond — who come here and act in ways that go completely against the values that define our community. This isn’t what Simchas Beis Hashoeva is meant to be. It’s meant to be simcha shel mitzvah, not a Labor Day parade.
To those who come from outside: please remember — Crown Heights is our home. It’s not a hangout. It’s a neighborhood filled with families, children, and schools that work hard all year to uphold a certain standard of tznius, kavod, and kedusha. When outsiders come and behave disrespectfully, it hurts our values, the dignity of our streets, and the holiness of Chol Hamoed.
And to some of our own community members — this part is hard to say, but it must be said. Those who went ahead and set up vending tables anyway, after being asked not to by the organizers, the community, our askonim, and schools, went directly against what our own community stood for this year. It’s upsetting to see fellow Crown Heightsers, who know better, ignore the rules and bring this mess upon our own streets — just for a few dollars. The vendors might think it’s harmless, but it’s not. It brings in crowds we don’t want, leaves behind garbage, hangouts, and chaos, and completely undermines the hard work that we put into our community and our children. It’s not respectful, and it’s not fair to the organizers or to the families who live here.
I literally had to clean my car from all that sticky spray — it’s worse than the salt and ice in the winter!
I appreciate the hard work. I love the joy, the niggunim, and the dancing. But please — let’s preserve the pnimius and kedusha of what this simcha is meant to be. Let’s keep our daughters safe, our streets clean, and our shchuna one that reflects who we truly are — the Rebbe’s shchuna, with order, dignity, and achdus.
Make Crown Heights greater and safer!
COMMENTS
I really understand you!
We need to keep improving the situation, and yes, the parents like you should keep thanking and demanding continued improvement and safety! For the children!!
Maybe there should be a center, where anyone could come with their concerns to!
And maybe there should be volunteers all over , that should be vigilant and approach the the crowd that clearly is defying the positive atmosphere, and demand they conform!!
ITS OUR COMMUNITY!! ITS THE REBBE’S SHECHUNA!!
I think that unless these issues by simchas beis are actually handled… then it’s better to not make one anymore
It’s not only simchas beis… bichlal when visitors come here they treet are neighborhood like a garbage can not respecting anything or anyone. enough is enough!
The organizers do a amazing event, and do all they can.
This is a community issue and multiple times a year, and I don’t know if there’s any way out.
What can the we do?
Yes, Thank you to the organizers!! It was such a beautiful simchas bais hashoeva!! You felt the joy bgashmius and bruchnius!! Please keep this improvement going! It’s incredible to see what work went into this, it’s all worth it!
Thank you!
Some of us allow our daughters to dress very provocative. Then we have complaints. I’ve yet to hear they approached eidel dressed girl. Additionally, if the girls ignore them they will stop. Its only after they engage with them it becomes a issue. Moshiach now!
I’ve seen them hit on a tznius girl before
Actually whats more painful is to see eidel 14/15/16 yr old girls we know put on lipstick and dress cool to leave the house at 2am to walk around.
It frustrates me to know that this is happening. It pains me to hear.
I think that such a boy should be taken a picture of and reported to the police.
The issue is that however much we don’t approve of certain behaviors, if it’s not clearly against the law, police don’t have a reason to get involved
Girls need their own, separate events. I’m surprised her school allows her attendance at this hefkeirus.
I was shocked by the amount of boys and girls not from crown heights hanging out for long hours on the streets.
This is dangerous!
Rabbi Groner a”h said years ago about this problem that in such a situation he has no doubt that the rebbe will close the entire simchas beis hashoeva!
at the time he said that the problem was much smaller
many boys are also drinking mashke in farbrengen’s
it’s time to do something
the holy sbh can’t become a platform for the lowest people to get involved with our children boys and girls
Until separate events are arranged for the girls, meanwhile the girls should taught how abhorrent these encounters are and how to ward them off cold turkey with outright rejection! Clearly tznius helps send a message of royalty that dissuades low lives from approaching. However, the issue must be “addressed” to both the properly dressed and the not yet properly dressed!
BH this past year they put some boundaries and it was much more real simcha with less garbage.
Hopefully the vaad of SBH will draw inspiration from the partial success and find further ways to beautify our SBH with real yiddishe, chassidishe simchas yomtov.