ט״ז מרחשון ה׳תשפ״ו | November 6, 2025
The Most Helpful Thing You Can Do for a Simcha
“We’re planning a Bar Mitzvah, and like most events, it’s exciting but a bit overwhelming. Everything depends on one big unknown: how many people are actually coming. Without RSVPs, you don’t know who you’re feeding – or if you’ll spend two weeks eating leftover kugel for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”
By Mendel S.
We’re in the middle of planning a Bar Mitzvah, and like most events, it’s exciting but also a bit overwhelming. There are so many moving parts – food, chairs, tables, music – and a hundred little details that somehow all depend on one big unknown: how many people are actually coming.
To make things easier, we put together a simple RSVP form. It takes maybe thirty seconds to fill out – no logins, no long questions – and you even get a confirmation email with calendar links so the date is saved automatically. It even has an option to say, “I will not be able to attend,” because that’s helpful too! Every response matters, even a no.
But it’s funny – we still notice that a lot of people skip over the RSVP. And honestly, I understand. You plan to come, or you’re not sure yet, and it feels like one of those things that can wait. But from the host’s side, that one click makes all the difference.
Right now, we’re trying to decide things like whether to have a buffet or plated food. Without RSVPs, it’s basically like cooking blind – you have no idea if you’re feeding thirty people or eighty. You either end up short and panicked, or you spend the next two weeks eating leftover kugel for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
An RSVP isn’t about being formal or fancy. It’s about helping the people putting the event together make smart, practical decisions. It saves time, money, and food. It helps avoid waste and stress. And more than anything, it shows a bit of thoughtfulness – that you see the effort going into making something nice, and you care enough to respond.
Even if you’re not sure yet, a quick “most likely yes” or “probably not” is still a huge help. It gives the hosts a clearer picture and takes a little weight off their shoulders.
So the next time you get an invite – for a Bar Mitzvah, a wedding, a dinner, anything – take that extra half a minute to RSVP. It might seem small, but it really does make a difference. It’s one of those simple, considerate things that helps everything run smoother and makes everyone feel appreciated.
Because behind all the food, music, and planning, what really makes an event special are the people who care enough to say, “Count us in.”
COMMENTS
Maybe if we added an ‘unsure, remind me closer’ option it would help. I don’t want to rsvp and don’t show up or vise versa. There can be lots of valid reasons to not know if I’m able to join.
Also if it’s an out of town Simcha, it helps if you clarify on the rsvp form if there is any transportation arranged (with a time so people know if it requires taking off work). But usually that’s not decided until later, sometimes just a few days before.
A bar mitzva needs to be an eidel event in a shul or even at home, for nuclear family and friends,with a chassidishe farbrengen. absolutely no reason to spend thousands of dollars to cater an event, and definitely not for rsvp
That’s a very fair point. And you are more than welcome to make a בר מצוה like that for your son when the time comes. But for someone who doesn’t feel that way, and is making a bar mitzvah like it says in this article, RSVP’s are very helpful.
You can serve pizza and invite only family and friends. You still need to know how much pizza to order and if you will fit in your dining room.
I very much agree with this article. For some reason we have in our minds that rsvps are for fancy events, or not for family or close friends.
Why can’t you take a moment to tell your cousin you are planning to come to their son’s upshernish with your whole family? Or your friends birthday farbrengen for that matter.. Why do they need to chase you down?
Mazel Tov on your son’s Bar Mitzvah!
May the Rebbe -as well as his parents- derive much nachas from you’re son.