Rebbe, Where Should I Move To?

Are you thinking of moving to a new house or community? This week’s Rebbe Responsa explores five key factors that the Rebbe pointed to when advising questioners considering moving their homes to greener pastures.

First consideration: The wife has the main say. 

“In general, when it comes to moving a family, the feelings of the wife, the Akeres Habayis [foundation of the home], should be reckoned with,” the Rebbe writes in a letter. 

The wife is the foundation and mainstay of the home. It is she that sets the tone of the household and takes care of the home. Therefore, above all, it is up to her to make the choice. 

Second consideration: A religious neighborhood.

“The advice has already been given by our Great Teacher, the Rambam, that a Jew must do everything possible to live in a community and in a neighborhood of Shomrei Torah and Mitzvoth,” the Rebbe replied to an inquiry of where a couple should settle. 

People are a product of their environment. Human beings are social beings and are influenced by their surroundings. The Rebbe emphasized that nowadays this directive of the Rambam is all the more relevant: “The Rambam speaks there of an adult Jew and one who is not necessarily bound to maintain a close contact with the environment, etc. How much more so in our society where willy-nilly it is necessary to maintain a close contact with the environment…”

The above consideration is exponentially greater when there are children involved, as the Rebbe writes: “in view of their vulnerability to unsuitable influences” 

The Rebbe wrote to an individual in Nashville, TN, describing his family life and his living circumstances. In his letter to the Rebbe, he wrote that he is contemplating selling his home, and business and leaving his extended family and community behind by moving his immediate family to Memphis, where they have Jewish education through high school. 

The Rebbe responded (complete response in the booklet below) that being that he has children: “who are at an impressionable age, and are bound to be influenced, consciously and even more so subconsciously, by their environment, and especially by the parents themselves.”

“it is advisable to make the change as soon as possible,” the Rebbe concluded. Indeed that family made the move and they feel the influence until this day. 

Third consideration: Use the effort it would take to move to make things work out at your present place. 

As the Rebbe wrote to a couple contemplating moving to a better neighborhood: “moving to a new place entails a great deal of expense, energy and time, and if this were invested locally, much could be accomplished.”

Moving is a burden in itself the Rebbe explains. If there are no really compelling reasons to do so then “moving to a new city, or even neighborhood, often entail additional complications of adjustment,” which can be avoided. 

Fourth consideration: Not in the middle of a school year: 

The Rebbe replied to a letter inquiring whether it would be advisable to move to another place: “It would not be good for the children to have such a change in the middle of the school year.” 

Additionally the Rebbe wrote to a non-Jewish woman who seeked his advice regarding moving, that if she was financially stable “it would be preferable to remain in your present city, especially as this would not entail a change of schools in the current school year.”

Fith consideration: Don’t abandon the battlefront. 

A woman who had begun being an observant Jew wrote to the Rebbe that she was contemplating moving to an observant city and provided the Rebbe with a choice of West Orange or Morristown New Jersey. 

The Rebbe’s reply shocked them. “I have often pointed out that one has to think not only of oneself but also of one’s obligation to the community in which one lives,” the Rebbe wrote, “Therefore, it would not be right to abandon the battlefront.”

“Instead,” the Rebbe continued, “a more determined effort should be made to strengthen and spread Yiddishkeit in the community, all the more so since there are not many who are willing or able to do this.”

In a letter to another individual, the Rebbe writes: “One has definite obligations toward the community in which one lives, and seeking to improve one’s own situation would not help those who must remain behind. Indeed, when an active member of the community leaves, it makes their situation even worse.”

When a young boy asked why the Rebbe does not move to Eretz Yisrael the Rebbe gently responded (free translation): 

“With regard to your writing about where a person should establish his residence:

The determining factor is not where it will be best and most pleasant for him, but where he can do the most good and where his assistance is most needed.”

“This is similar to a medical doctor, who is to establish his residence where his help is needed most and not where he hopes to find the most comfortable life.”

“Truly, each and every individual is responsible for “healing” his environs, to imbue it with additional “light” and holiness. And with regard to Jews: the primary and main purpose of each and every one of them is to infuse his environs with a greater degree of Judaism.”

It is interesting to note that in the Rebbe’s letters, as can be seen in this letter, when the Rebbe reiterated the question it is already providing a clue to the answer. 

As for this last consideration see also a film produced by Jem, which also included one of the recipients relating her story, “Don’t Abandon The Front”

Many of these considerations are often repeated by the Rebbe as can be seen in many of the sources that are brought in the footnotes of the booklet. 

A final note. The Rebbe often adds that people are subjective and advice for one is not advice for all. Therefore, as the Rebbe writes in one letter: “If, nevertheless, there are doubts, then it is advisable to consult friends with whom the situation can be discussed in detail and open-heartedly.“

Included at the end of the booklet is a newly released letter regarding the price change of a home due to elections.

Rebbe Responsa kindly requests anyone who may be in possession of letters of the Rebbe in English, to send them by email so that these unique treasures can benefit the public.

These selected letters are sourced from the extensive collection of over 5,000 English letters written by the Rebbe, accessible through the Rebbe Responsa app. 

Click here to download the booklet. 

• Click here for PDF in booklet format.
• Click here to view all previous editions.
• See also previous booklet on Parshas Lech Lecha.

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