“It Can’t be! It’s Impossible! We Don’t Understand!”

After the tragic murder of shluchim Rabbi Gabi and Rivka Holtzberg sixteen years ago in Mumbai, Rabbi Akiva Wagner AH wrote a poignant essay expressing the frustration at a shliach falling while active in his holy mission to spread Yiddishkeit.

By Rabbi Akiva Wagner AH

The following story is related in the Gemara (Bava Kama 50a):

Rabbi Nechunya chofer sichin, “the Well Digger,” was a talmid chacham with a very unique occupation. During the Shalosh Regalim, when hordes of Jews from all over would arrive in Yerushalayim for their pilgrimage to the Beis Hamikdash, he concerned himself with their physical needs. Such crowds automatically meant that great supplies of food and drink were required, and Rabbi Nechunya – on a volunteer basis – dug numerous wells and pits, so that the water supply should be in abundance.

Once, a terrible tragedy took place: the daughter of Rabbi Nechunya fell into a pit. The news spread quickly, throwing everyone into despair—the chance of her being quickly rescued was minimal, and one couldn’t survive in the bottom of a well for more than three hours. Filled with concern, everyone turned to Hashem in prayer, beseeching Him to have mercy on the daughter of this noble chacham.

And, as Jews will always do in times of great need, they ran to the tzaddik, to the Rebbe, who at that time was Rabbi Chanina ben Dosa. At first, he calmly reassured them that everything would be fine, there was nothing to worry about. Trusting the promise of the tzaddik, they were calmed.

A second hour passed, and the deadline for her rescue was ominously approaching, with no salvation in sight. The earlier calm evaporated, and they again ran to Rabbi Chanina. But Rabbi Chanina maintained his earlier position, there is nothing to worry about. But when a third hour passed, and there was no longer any chance of finding the girl alive, their faith in the tzaddik’s words once again wavered. Again they ran to him in desperation. “Don’t worry,” he told them, “she has already emerged from the pit.”

Sure enough, the news quickly spread that the girl had miraculously emerged. And it was indeed a miraculous recovery; the girl related that she had been led out by an old man leading a ram!

The Jews ran back to Rabbi Chanina. “Rebbe,” they excitedly exclaimed, “you are a prophet!” But Rabbi Chanina adamantly denied this. “I am neither a prophet nor the son of a prophet. I merely made a simple calculation: it cannot be that the thing which this tzaddik [Rabbi Nechunya] toils in [i.e., the digging of wells] should be the cause of suffering amongst his own children. Therefore I knew with absolute certainty that she would be saved. When three hours had passed, and it was no longer possible for her to survive in the pit, I was certain that she had already emerged.”

Despite all of this, the Talmud mentions, the son of Rabbi Nechunya ended up dying of thirst.

The question is obvious; following Rabbi Chanina’s calculation, how is it possible that the boy died of thirst, a horrible death, when his father was single-mindedly preoccupied with providing drink for the visiting Jews?! The question bothers many of the Talmudic commentators, who offer various answers. I, however, would like to humbly suggest that there is indeed no answer. That is exactly what the Talmud is saying: af al pi ken —nonetheless, even though it doesn’t add up, his son died.

Rabbi Chanina made a correct calculation, it is impossible for the child of a tzaddik to suffer in the area in which his/her father toils for others. This reasoning was so conclusive, that based on it he was able to state with absolute certainty that the girl would be unharmed. And yet the son of the same tzaddik died of thirst. What’s going on? How can that be? How is that possible? What happened to Rabbi Chanina’s reasoning?

The answer is: we don’t know! We don’t know the answer. It doesn’t fit with the earlier story, it doesn’t fit with the flawless reasoning of Rabbi Chanina. It can’t be! It’s impossible! The Talmud says it can’t be. Rabbi Chanina says it can’t be. Impossible!

But . . . af al pi ken . . . nonetheless . . . the son died. It happened. The questions are all there, but that’s how it is. We get another lesson in the limitation of our intellect. We have calculations, logical ones, Torah-based ones, that we are certain about and we have a license to be. We know certain things can’t happen.

“You’re right,” says the Talmud. “But . . . af al pi ken . . . nonetheless . . . it happened.” We cry out in unmanageable pain, in frustration, in anger, and in shocked disbelief. But then we bow our heads in humility, and we accept. We move forward. Because one of the basic foundations of our religion is the conviction that Hashem is infinite, and it would be arrogant and foolish for us to even dream of understanding Him. And from time to time things continue to happen that don’t make sense in our book, that don’t even seem to make sense in His book, and . . . nonetheless . . . they happen. And we can only turn our tearful eyes heavenwards, and ask: “It happened, we accepted; isn’t it time to let us understand? Isn’t it time for the era when, as Yeshaya says, we will ‘thank You for having been wrathful with us’?!”

When the Jews were celebrating the inauguration of the Mishkan, the climax of all the events since the Exodus, Hashem suddenly killed two of the greatest Jews. The sons of Aaron the Kohen Godol, the most beloved Jew who dedicated his life to promoting peace amongst all his fellow men. The nephews of Moshe, the tireless leader. The Jews’ greatest joy was instantly transformed into the deepest mourning. Why? It didn’t make sense. Not the event and not the timing.

And the Torah teaches us that indeed there was no rhyme or reason, no rationale at all. “And Aaron was silent.” The stricken father bowed his head in humility and accepted. Although our chachamim teach us that this was a tremendous accomplishment for Aaron, for which he was amply rewarded, the Rebbe has clearly demanded this exact reaction from all of us.

On Rosh Chodesh Kislev, one of the happiest days on the Chassidic calendar, the day when in 1977, after suffering a massive heart attack just a few weeks earlier, the Rebbe was finally well enough to return to his home—to be flung into such absolute mourning is unfair, unfathomable, unacceptable and intolerable. Once again Hashem took two such holy people in the midst of what should have been our deepest joy.

The terrorists, may their names be blotted out, shot bullets into the Aron HaKodesh, damaging the Sefer Torah. When it was opened, it was discovered that the bullet had penetrated just below the words, in Vayikra, “After the death of the two sons of Aaron.” And once again, all that’s left for us is to “be silent.”

During the Spanish Expulsion in 1492, it is told that there was an old chacham who, together with his fellow Jews, was fleeing with his family. In the desert, his group was attacked by Arabs. His son-in-law was stabbed to death, and then his daughter was murdered in front of his eyes. He grabbed his infant grandson, all that was left of his family – his wife had passed away earlier – and, half-crazed from grief, fled alone into the desert. But the relentless desert sun got the better of him, and he fainted. When he came to, he saw to his shock that his grandson was no longer alive; in the meantime he had died from thirst and the elements. Numb with grief, he dug a grave for his grandson. Then he turned his eyes heavenward and cried: “It is clear that there are forces above that are determined at all costs to alienate me from Hashem. I say to those of you dwelling on high: Despite all your best efforts I will remain a steadfast Jew!”

As Chassidim, we know that there’s only one possible response: move forward with even greater conviction. I’ve met some people who were shocked to hear that Lubavitch isn’t planning to close up shop in India—as if any chassid could have even considered such an option!

We will send a clear message to those on high that the persecution is pointless, it merely strengthens us. Let this message ring loud and clear, and bring with it the end to this madness with the immediate revelation of Moshiach!