Hashem Never Says ‘No!’

Article by Rabbi Shmuel Wagner: There is a common expression, “Hashem always answers our tefillos – but sometimes, the answer is ‘no!’” Could it be that Hashem commanded me to request my needs from Him, all the while smirking, knowing that the answer to this request will be “no!”?

By Rabbi Shmuel Wagner

Disclaimer: Everyone has their own personal relationship with Hashem. My intention in this article is not to postulate that my view is correct to the exclusion of anyone else’s. I am, rather, sharing a perspective that has helped me as well as a few people with whom I have shared the following thoughts, taking our relationship of trust in Hashem to the next level.

There is a common expression, “Hashem always answers our tefillos – but sometimes, the answer is ‘no!’”

So, let me get this straight: Hashem commanded me to request my needs from Him, all the while smirking, knowing that the answer to this request will be “no!”?

I refuse to believe in such a deity.

A few years ago, before Rosh Hashanah, my wife showed me a message that someone had posted on social media:

“Just a reminder to everyone, you’re going to go to shul on Rosh Hashanah and daven, just be ready that Hashem sometimes answers ‘no!’.”

I understand this perspective; how else can we explain all the times when what we daven for – truly important things! – don’t get answered?

And yet, what if there was another perspective? What if we can understand that Hashem never says no?

No need to look further than the beginning of this week’s parsha:

“Vae’schanan el Hashem”. Moshe davened to be allowed into Eretz Yisrael. And what was the answer? “NO! Stop asking!”

Are we to accept this story on its simplest level; that Moshe’s 515 (!) heartfelt requests were simply and bluntly ignored?!

The Rebbe offers a fundamental depth to this episode [1]:

If the Yidden had entered Eretz Yisrael with Moshe, it would have been an everlasting homecoming; as meforshim [2] tell us, it would have directly segued into the era of Moshiach! Indeed, that was the reason behind the earnestness of Moshe’s request.

However, a miraculous, Moshe-led conquest of Eretz Yisrael would lack the advantage of working within the parameters of this world, and thus, would lack a connection to this world. Conversely, under Yehoshua, the conquest was more natural, taking seven long years of battles. “Natural” means more meaningful from the world’s perspective, thus making our ownership of Eretz Yisrael more complete even from this world’s natural structure.

So, technically the answer to Moshe was “no”. But, with this understanding that Moshe’s request was for the betterment of Klal Yisrael Hashem’s answer was actually, “Yes! I will make the Yidden’s entry into Eretz Yisraelbe the most powerful – exactly the result that you, Moshe the Faithful Shepherd, so desperately want for your flock! But it will be through a process that you, as a finite human being, cannot possibly understand!”

You see, there is the word “no”, and the message “no”. Sometimes, the word “no” carries within it a resounding “yes!”. Take the classic example in chassidus of a parent refusing their child to use something dangerous: A firm, “No, you cannot play with that knife!” is truthfully a loving, “Yes, here is an opportunity for a more qualitative life, notwithstanding your not-understanding!”

The story goes of someone who asked the Rebbe for a bracha that their surgery should go well. The Rebbe responded, “Why would you ask for a bracha for a successful surgery? Ask for a bracha that you should not need a surgery!”

Was that response from the Rebbe a “yes”, or a “no”? Technically, the Rebbe was not giving them a bracha as per their request. But we can all understand that with that direct “no”, the Rebbe was indirectly directing them toward a much higher “yes”!

So too with every one of our tefillos. Hashem wants us to daven to Him, not chas veshalom for Him to have a chance to spite us, but to give us a chance to receive His Kindness from Him[3], because every tefillah is answered with a smiling “Yes!”. Sometimes it happens in ways that we directly and immediately feel, sometimes it only happens down the line, and sometimes, we will only understand it when Moshiach comes.

People are marred by their past experiences – call it trauma, whatever. The whole idea of davening, as a form of emunah [4] and bitachon [5] in Hashem, is the ability to entirely trust in Hashem that the future is not bound to follow the data of what has occurred thus far.

Hashem, in His Power, can prevent the present from persisting in the pattern of the past.

How can I practically feel that, in my davening and throughout my day, when the reality of my life does not necessarily seem to match this theoretical philosophy?

Obviously, this is a vast topic, but here is one interesting method that I have personally developed in my life:

To inculcate this notion that Hashem never says no, what if we change the narrative of our life story? Instead of, “Hashem didn’t give me children”, try saying (and thinking and feeling), “Hashem gave me infertility”. Instead of, “Hashem didn’t give me money”, how about, “Hashem gave me poverty”. Substitute, “Hashem didn’t give me health”, with, “Hashem gave me an illness”, etc. [6]

It does not necessarily minimize the pain, and it will probably not make it more acceptable in your brain. Instead, it frames the challenge within the lens of something from Hashem; Hashem did not chas veshalom forget about you, and He is not ignoring you. This is exactly what Hashem wants you to have. With the foundation of emunah that everything Hashem does is good, this reminds us that this challenge, too, comes from Hashem alone, and must therefore also be a “Yes”!

Our tefillos are now focused on asking from Hashem to turn all the hidden yesses into open and revealed good, to bring Moshiach now, when we will not need to guess the yes!

[1] Sichas Shabbos Parshas Va’eschanan 5751.

[2] Megaleh Amukos, Alshich, Ohr Hachaim.

[3] The obvious question of why Hashem wants us to daven to him at all is an excellent one and deserves its own article. See Yoma 76A for a similar discussion regarding the mon.

[4] See the beautiful expression brought by the Tzemach Tzedek in the beginning of Shoresh Mitzvas Hatefillah.

[5] See Sichas Shabbos Parshas Bereishis 5731.

[6] See Shaar Habitachon Perek Daled (page 150 in the “White Book” 😊)for a similar – fascinating! – example regarding loneliness.