Comments on: Mental Illness Is Not a Deal Breaker

By: Rochel

Rochel — Sat, 06 Nov 2021 23:24:21 +0000

There are two different issues here. One is that someone should get any help that they need, or that their children need, without worrying about shiddduchim. The other issue is how to react if, during a shidduch that is otherwise going well, someone reveals their struggles with mental illness.

By: Dovid

Dovid — Fri, 05 Nov 2021 13:23:21 +0000

בעל מידות טובות מלידה, בעל חיסרון הוא יותר מבעל מידות רעות. האחרון מכיר בחסרונו ועוסק ברפואות, ואילו הראשון אינו יודע כלל שהוא חולה. סה”ש ת”ש עמ’ 242 – .

By: Benny

Benny — Fri, 05 Nov 2021 01:08:27 +0000

In reply to Not so simple. Totally agree. It doesn't help to tell someone who is struggling with an imbalance, to have Emuna and Bitochon, as in the situation he is in, it's not what he needs to hear, and it's not gonna help the situation.

By: Not so simple

Not so simple — Thu, 04 Nov 2021 22:05:25 +0000

And i would like to mention that a non struggler in these issues has no idea of what is really going through the struggler, so perhaps “היסח הדעת” might be easy for a non struggler to preach (and might work for some) but for many strugglers it’s just another form of rejection and confirmation that they’re not being taken seriously

By: Hillel

Hillel — Thu, 04 Nov 2021 14:46:02 +0000

Excellent article! The typical story goes like this: When deep into dating the boy or girl reveals to the other a mental or emotional challenge they regularly face. Shocked the listener immediately runs to tell his/her parents who then encourage them to end it, because who needs “damaged goods”?, or “you deserve someone who is healthy and stable”. What they are really doing is neglecting all attributes of honesty, maturity, and healthy character development, and in its place are promoting shame, neglect, and contempt to challenges that every single human faces to some degree or another.

Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule, however, more often than not, being open and honest about your struggles before marriage is a strength in character and not a weakness, thus it should be a reason to pursue a shidduch and not to end it.

By: Menucha

Menucha — Thu, 04 Nov 2021 14:45:13 +0000

I would like to mention that the Rebbe often advised people not to overdue and exaggerate their depression/anxiety etc., since many times it is just a method of the yetzer hara to create self pity and incorrectly excuse us from functioning normally. Instead the Rebbe prescribed היסח הדעת and מעט אור דוחה הרבה חושך.

There is a fine line between ignoring an issue and not creating a nonexistent issue.

By: DL Katz

DL Katz — Wed, 03 Nov 2021 02:59:54 +0000

Thank you for creating a website with such interesting and toichendik content. Every time I come on there are so many things that I find I can take away from this website. It’s also a pleasure to look at a news site that has standards and follows the guidelines of rabbanim.

As someone who works in the field of chinuch, I’d especially like to thank you for bringing up this very important topic. The concerns facing those who are struggling are real and I’ve heard them numerous times. This article was informative and interesting and I appreciated his perspective a lot. It is such an important perspective for ALL of us to hear but especially for someone struggling with a mental health issue who is concerned to get the help they need due to stigmas.

Much continued Hatzlacha in all of the good work you’re doing.

By: Dee

Dee — Wed, 03 Nov 2021 02:43:46 +0000

Dr. Shagalow is very insightful