Comments on: ‘I’d Like to Suggest a Different Way of Looking at Shidduchim’

By: To add

To add — Tue, 01 Apr 2025 22:21:11 +0000

Encouragement for bochurim: be more active. Your mother shouldn’t be the one “in charge” of your shidduch. YOU are the one getting married – BE IN CHARGE! and that bochurim will not do. Bochurim dont like encouragement that is being given – Then do the work. If you do the work, different encouragements will come your way, because the work is being done! Also bochurim should rely to emails etc…. when people try to reach out with a suggestion. How many bochurim ignore emails and then complain that shatchanim aren’t doing anything. You cant complain when you aren’t doing your part.

By: Another related point

Another related point — Tue, 01 Apr 2025 18:05:28 +0000

I think the fact that there is one parameter for what is considered good in a perspective match is wrong, it should be individualized based on the person’s personality, each individual should be searching for the kind of personality he or she likes hanging around (in their class or wherever), each person before starting the search should spend time to make note of the kind of personality they enjoy, and the one they prefer to stay away from, and make their search based on that, and of course everyone should have much hatzlacha!

By: True. It’s in G-d’s hands & time

True. It’s in G-d’s hands & time — Tue, 01 Apr 2025 15:20:04 +0000

What about singles themselves working on their own relationship with Hashem including thanking in advance for the zivug who is already there, just needs to be revealed? Not only,”Hashem, can this happen quick?” but also “Thank You, Hashem for my zivug” and praying on his or her behalf for his or her best success and happiness in gashmius and ruchnius.

By: Yes, and more:

Yes, and more: — Tue, 01 Apr 2025 15:12:38 +0000

Good for singles to take on some responsibility— it’s not parents or shadchans, it’s all Hashem. It’s very effective for the single to daven not only for the zivug to show up already, but for blessings for the zivug’s and one’s own health, success and happiness in gashmius and ruchnius inyunim that help get ready for a happy, holy, healthy marriage and life.

By: Well said. In addition:

Well said. In addition: — Tue, 01 Apr 2025 15:09:13 +0000

Everyone has a zivug and it helps to pray on his or her behalf, to bless him or her etc. The single girls can pray on behalf, each one of her zivug— not just hurry up and find me— but also for him to have good chavrusas, learning, davenning, mashpia, all success and happiness in gashmius and ruchnius etc. There is a community where girls do not light Shabbos candles, but they have a techina that they say on behalf of future husband. In that community there isn’t a “shidduch crisis”. Very important, each single daven and thank about his or her own growth and readiness for a happy marriage. No one starts marriage fully ready and with everything resolved. What’s important is the relationship with Hashem, and making steps.