Comments on: A Father’s Guide to Navigating the Shidduch Journey

By: couldnt agree more

couldnt agree more — Sun, 30 Nov 2025 22:47:33 +0000

i would apply that to the “parental guidance in identifying what is crucial” part as well. often times parents are in a rush, the girl is getting older, the guys friends are all married, they have a younger sibling etc. and then starts the pressuring. pushing for things to move faster, or overlooking certain things because they aren’t what the parents may deem important or deal breaker.
parents need to trust that they raised their child well enough. if they are trusting them to get married, they have to trust them to date and go at their speed, with what they find to be important etc.
and that applies for after marriage as well. parents (and in laws) need to allow their children to make the (what parents think are) mistakes and learn from them. if you are going to “gently guide” along every step, then you shouldnt push them to date/get married/have children.

By: Good points

Good points — Sat, 29 Nov 2025 23:19:50 +0000

I disagree with the need to speed point. If it’s meant, it will happen. If it wont become available, either it wasnt meant to happen or it will come out later.
I know someone who the bochur thought it was a great idea and the young woman thought it wasnt. He let it go. She got engaged to someone else only to break it off since he showed his true colors. The original bochurs name was brought up again not to long after. This time it went through BH.
Or in another case the young woman side rushed it for their need to speed and their differences came out after the lchaim upon which there was a break up.
There is Hashem and HIS timing not basar vdam.
If you rush it, it can lead to disaster beyond repair.

By: Absolutely

Absolutely — Fri, 28 Nov 2025 13:55:52 +0000

When it comes to marriage, I can’t imagine anyone hoping for the marriage outcomes of western society (or lack thereof…).

Why, then, are we looking for their marriage advice?

By: Don't get in the way

Don't get in the way — Fri, 28 Nov 2025 13:27:04 +0000

As someone that has a made a few shidduchim I’d like to add one vital point.

As a parent we are the gateway to our children’s marriage, a very heavy task indeed. When a perspective shidduch comes up, make sure you have your child’s interest in mind not your own.

I have seen parents dismiss guys and girls with statements like “that’s not the look we’re going for”, or “that’s not for our family”, when I ask them if they asked their child the answer is “no”.
You’ve already found your bashert, don’t get in the way of your child finding theirs.

By: Not nitpicking

Not nitpicking — Fri, 28 Nov 2025 02:40:13 +0000

In reply to Nitpicking.

If the point is to say that you exchange niceties, I believe that would be what is written in the 1st paragraph of the “Reference” portion. Not sure what it would be adding here. Does it mean befriend the references who might be newlyweds? Does it mean go through Mazal Tovs and reach out to recently married people and invite them for a shabbos meal, with the hope that they’ll have single friends, or that you can call on them when a name comes up?
Quite frankly, I think that paragraph would be better with only the second half, about trying to find someone not on the resume.

By: Dating Coach

Dating Coach — Fri, 28 Nov 2025 02:37:41 +0000

Thank you for a great article. However I must say that from my own experience, and of some friends experiences that I know well, speaking to a dating coach unfortunately did not help – on the contrary it only added confusion. I believe that for a regular Bochur, speaking to a Mashpia to receive guidance and better understand Torahs perspective, and the Rebbes perspective in dating is a much better idea. I’m not suggesting that dating coaches are a terrible idea- perhaps if someone dated many times and still hasn’t found the right one should speak to a dating coach to identify any possible issue. But for regular people- speak to a Mashpia!

By: Reader

Reader — Fri, 28 Nov 2025 00:40:21 +0000

The article is well-done and offers much food for thought. One question: is it halachically permissible to have a friend “secretly” call a reference to check and see how they answer questions about the single? I believe I learned that this is forbidden, as much as many people would like to do it. (And I personally had a situation where a single child’s best friend was mistakenly telling people false information that made them turn down the shidduch. We had to remove that friend as a reference. B”H everyone is happily married now.)

By: Nitpicking

Nitpicking — Thu, 27 Nov 2025 23:19:39 +0000

In reply to Looking for clarification. He doesn't mean to become good friends. Just to exchange niceties so they are comfortable answering your questions.

By: Looking for clarification

Looking for clarification — Thu, 27 Nov 2025 22:20:35 +0000

This is very well written, and hits on some of the core, important points. I am a bit confused by one line: “Additionally, befriending newlyweds can be a helpful way to gather ideas and get honest feedback on names you’re considering.”
How is one to “befriend newlyweds”? Not many newlyweds want to be friends with 50 year old men/women. Would love some clarification.